I am over it. Done. I know I say that all the time, but this time, it IS TRUE!!!
Well cleaning up I just found this.
I didnt write it, I found it somewhere.
WE ARE ONE
Well cleaning up I just found this.
I didnt write it, I found it somewhere.
WE ARE ONE
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many states.
First, theres Victoria, named after a queen who didnt believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, caf latte, Grand Final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that its livable. At least thats what they think. The rest of us think its too bloody cold and wet.
Next, theres New South Wales, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a state based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the state bring a smile to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks cant seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lots it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. Its main claim to fame is that it doesnt have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, steep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centerpiece of our national culture, few of au live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.
And theres Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arse skeptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes, and theres Canberra. The less said the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tell us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that were winging, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
We want to make no worries mate our national phrase, shell be right mate
our national attitude and Waltzing Matilda our national anthem (so what if its about a sheep stealing crim who commits suicide.) We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us whos winning. And were the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than and ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards or cameras, but chain the pens to the desk.
Stand proud Aussies we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australia!
Plus we also shoot and eat the two animals than are on our National Crest, no other country has that distinction!
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many states.
First, theres Victoria, named after a queen who didnt believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, caf latte, Grand Final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that its livable. At least thats what they think. The rest of us think its too bloody cold and wet.
Next, theres New South Wales, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a state based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the state bring a smile to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks cant seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lots it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. Its main claim to fame is that it doesnt have daylight saving because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, steep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centerpiece of our national culture, few of au live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.
And theres Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arse skeptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes, and theres Canberra. The less said the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tell us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that were winging, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
We want to make no worries mate our national phrase, shell be right mate
our national attitude and Waltzing Matilda our national anthem (so what if its about a sheep stealing crim who commits suicide.) We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us whos winning. And were the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than and ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards or cameras, but chain the pens to the desk.
Stand proud Aussies we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australia!
Plus we also shoot and eat the two animals than are on our National Crest, no other country has that distinction!
You still haven't told us about your new job.
I like the above, helps me know a bit more about Australia.
I read your addendum to your entry a few posts ago, and can't believe you didn't think it worthy of a new entry. It was very reflective.
Sorry you're single (that surprises me). I've been single many years, so quit yer whinging.