Hi.
I'm going to be totally honest: I've been a little nervous ever since my set got into the queue.
Not because of the set—I adore the set. Shooting it was so much fucking fun and I'd love to do it again in a heartbeat. Hell, I'd blow those pictures up and put them on my bedroom wall. (Except maybe not because that might be weird and narcissistic and also what happens when my mom comes over, etc.)
I was more nervous about how to interact with the platform as a whole.
What was I going to say? How would I use the platform, interact with it, share anything about myself? I haven't been quite sure what to make of it—in part because I'm still not entirely sure what people are interested in seeing or knowing.
Realistically, this has been the culmination of something I've been wanting for a while. I had a little push in the back of my mind to try to "become a Suicide Girl" for a long time—before I actually knew what that even entailed. So, I'm just so excited that my set has gone live, and had such a wonderful time working with Ayah when I was in Paris.
The set is special to me in part for that reason—it was shot at a little Airbnb I was staying in by myself, when I lived in Paris for a month earlier this year. I'd decided to leave the US and travel around on my own for a while, living in multiple countries where I knew no one and didn't speak the language. It was an exercise in pushing myself to do something bold, something that really scared me and pushed me to grow in new ways.
Looking at the photos today takes me back to that little pink and red room, all warm wood floors and light and being on my own in a city that I didn't know and that didn't know me. During the shoot we listened to Lana Del Rey and afterward I met a French boy who bought me dessert at a cafe by the Eiffel Tower (really—you can't make this shit up). All day I felt effervescent, joyful.
Among other things, I guess all this to say: I'm happy to be here, but I don't really know what being here means. I'm still working out what to use this space for. This isn't a career aim for me—I'm just a tattooed girl who thinks sometimes it's fun to push the envelope for my own good time, and so I'm still working out how to engage and "promote" without feeling out of place—and while still having fun.
I can promise candor, an inability to take myself too seriously, and tits. Stick around (and help me stick around) if you're interested in that. (;
