amytron

Although i do get caught up the the moment a lot and probably give people i dont even know, a lot more slack then they have earned.
I have to take my time, analyze people, listen to things they say, see the things they do and piece it all together fillling in the blanks. And sometimes.... those missing pieces become obvious and you kick yourself for not seeing them earier.
Trust is not something i give lightly, it has to be earned. And if you ever betray my trust? Good luck trying to get me to ever trust you again.

Honesty, integrity, loyalty, compassion.. these are some of the things that make up a good person. And these are the things i will be looking out for from now on.

I was talking to a friend about something similar. 'Once a cheat... always a cheat?'
I have to admit, in the past.... i have cheated. I am a cheat. And I have lied about it. I felt bad about it briefly, but never really suffered any remorse because i always managed to justify it to myself.
''Well, if he isnt going to have sex with me, what does he expect?''

That kind of thing.

So really, im no better than anyone else.

But if you are with someone, and you can quite freely have feelings for someone else, and tell them about those feelings, and flirt...... if you are with someone else and you happen to meet another person, quite by accident, who just happens to be your soul mate. Is it ok then? What about the other person?
Surely if you feel like this for someone else, then you shouldnt even entertain the thought that you still have valid feelings for the person you are with. Those feelings you think you have are a safety blanket, you clutch on to so you dont get hurt.
But you will get hurt, and so will everyone involved.

Time to decide what it is you want from life. Forget the new person. Forget the old person. This is the time to be selfish and look at how your life is going to turn out. If you settle, and then 10 years later, you look back and think... wow, nothing has changed here, i could have been doing something else for the last 10 years. What a waste.

Thats what i did. I made a decision, not based on anyone else. Based on me. Its time for me now, time to find out who i am, what i can do and not what i can do for everyone else.
Its scary and exciting at the same time.