A letter to Sarah Silverman
Dear Angel,
Why Sarah? Why? Why him? I mean, I can understand why people at a certain level of celebrity are attracted to others of celebrity, but him? He's beneath you! He's the host of a third rate tonight show that nobody watches. I mean, I watched it once, but that only was because my favourite band The Twilight Singers were on. Which means Sarah Silverman, that your boyfriend has met Greg Dulli.
Well guess what Sarah Silverman, so have I! Twice! Ok sure, both times it was after waiting in an allyway outside a night club for a few hours, and not while he was a guest on my own late night talk show. But still. Surely that gives me more credibility! Surely it shows you how far I'm willing to go to pursue my obsessions. I don't need a crappy late night talk show to go out and meet celebrities. I just make it happen.
You'll see Sarah Silverman. One day, you'll see.
I don't care what it takes, you and I are meant to be together. For instance, wikipedia says you don't drink because alcohol nauseates you. Well, I do drink. A lot. So no more turning down wine at your smarmy comedian dinner parties or whatever it is you do with other funny people. I can save you the embarrassment Sarah Silveman. Now I'm drinking for two.
Listen, I know we can work this out. I'm sure if we both just sit down and talk about this, it'll all work out. Call me Sarah Silverman, ok?
Love, your pal
Mark
p.s. did you get the muffins I made you?
Dear Angel,
Why Sarah? Why? Why him? I mean, I can understand why people at a certain level of celebrity are attracted to others of celebrity, but him? He's beneath you! He's the host of a third rate tonight show that nobody watches. I mean, I watched it once, but that only was because my favourite band The Twilight Singers were on. Which means Sarah Silverman, that your boyfriend has met Greg Dulli.
Well guess what Sarah Silverman, so have I! Twice! Ok sure, both times it was after waiting in an allyway outside a night club for a few hours, and not while he was a guest on my own late night talk show. But still. Surely that gives me more credibility! Surely it shows you how far I'm willing to go to pursue my obsessions. I don't need a crappy late night talk show to go out and meet celebrities. I just make it happen.
You'll see Sarah Silverman. One day, you'll see.
I don't care what it takes, you and I are meant to be together. For instance, wikipedia says you don't drink because alcohol nauseates you. Well, I do drink. A lot. So no more turning down wine at your smarmy comedian dinner parties or whatever it is you do with other funny people. I can save you the embarrassment Sarah Silveman. Now I'm drinking for two.
Listen, I know we can work this out. I'm sure if we both just sit down and talk about this, it'll all work out. Call me Sarah Silverman, ok?
Love, your pal
Mark
p.s. did you get the muffins I made you?
mck:
She sure is pretty.