ampersand

An open letter to Sarah Silverman:

Dear Sarah,

Now, I know it's unlikely you read my blog. Or even that you visit a web-site featuring hot, naked goth and punk chicks. But I thought, y'know, just in case you ever happened to stumble across this, or if perhaps if it ends up as a search result when you're googling yourself one day, I should put it into typed-like-words.

I've been admiring your work for a long time. I mean, I'm don't really remember most of the stuff you were in. Except for that one episode of Mr Show I saw. Oh, and you were totally in School of Rock, right? You were like, sitting next to Mike White. Man, I love that guy. He's so funny. Anyway, you were in it and it was a pretty good movie.

You should I know, I've just spent most of the evening watching season one of your program - so smartly entitled The Sarah Silverman Program - that I downloaded illegally from the internet. I have to tell you, I haven't laughed so hard since, well the last time I was drunk watching illegally downloaded television. But in fairness, I think that time I was watching Lost, which totally isn't really even supposed to be funny. So if you're only counting times I downloaded funny shows and laughed at them, well, yours was the last show that was funny that I laughed at. And it was good. And funny.

Ok, enough of this beating about the bush. It's time I made my true feelings known.

I love you Sarah Silverman. Will you marry me?

There. I said it. I got it out. Seriously Sarah Silverman, I think you're awesome. You're so funny, and you sing such pretty songs, and you've totally met David Cross, and he's hilarious. Is he seriously that funny in real life? Cause how does one guy stay that funny? Man, he's funny. Like that time he was on Mr Show and in a dress. That was so funny. He must be like, stoned, all the time. Anyway, what was I saying?

OH! Shit, yeah you're funny too. And hot. So very hot. I sometimes think naughty thoughts when you're funny. And sometimes I get slightly erect when I'm watching you, but then I realise you're talking about your dead parents, and I lose my erection. But I still think your hot. And that's just like love, right? When someone is talking about their dead parents and although you're not erect, you still think they're hot and want to do them? Right?

I was reading on your wikipedia article that you don't want to get married until same sex marriages are legal. Well, let me tell you Sarah Silverman. I'm going to protest my little heart out until same sex marriages are legal. And I'm going to make them legal damn it! I'm going to make them legal until all the queers and fags in the worlds are like, totally doing it in legal wedlock, and then I'm going to marry you Sarah Silverman! I'm going to marry you and make you mine and I'll be your hopelessly devoted sex and making dinner slave until the day we die or you leave me for someone funnier or less dependant on alcohol.

Love

Mark.

p.s. I love you marry me ok?

p.p.s. there's a better update this way <