amorette_

My best friend and I haven't been on speaking terms since October/November, and I just went up to her on Sunday (incidentally at church) and instead of slapping her across the face like I originally planned to, I asked her if she wanted to talk after the service. She, instead of spitting on me like I sort of expected her to, hugged me and kissed my forehead. So I guess we're okay now. We talked things out a little (as much as we could with Sunday School kids swarming around us), we've been texting all week, and we're hanging out today. So I'm REALLY happy, excited, and a little nervous. I'm really hoping that things can go back to the way they were, at least with our relationship, because we've been arguing off and on a few years. I'm hoping, childish that it may be, that we can go back after this time off to the way we were when we could read each other's minds and didn't have these stupid arguments over misunderstandings. Part of it, I think, was that we used to play these role-playing games (I'm not really going to go into them because they're all sorts of complicated) where we would make up characters and pretend they were real. A lot of our relationship was based on these made up people, and we had so much fun with them. One could say that our relationship was based, then, on lies and games, and turn it into a negative thing. Honestly, though, it was this almost childish fantasy world that we lived in all the time, and I'm sad to say that our relationship started falling apart when we started focusing more on the real world than on our game. Is it bad, then, that I'm hoping we can go back to living in this fantasy world at least some of the time? Childish and escapist though it might be, it was nice to have one thing in our lives, my life at least, that we didn't stress over.

In other news, my set goes up in ten days! I'm SO excited! I went over it again the other day and I realized that it's better than I originally thought it was. This may sound bad, but a friend of mine is a paid model, and she showed me some of her pictures on photobucket. I couldn't help but think as I showed her my set shortly thereafter that my modeling was a lot better than hers. I felt bad and didn't say anything, but at the same time, I've learned from the best: the wonderful women here on Suicide Girls And who knows, maybe I can offer to do a shoot with her and teach her what I've learned. I'm not saying I'm anywhere near the best-- Miro and Opaque and Porphyria and Rigel and most other SGs blow me out of the water. But I'm actually starting to get over some of the doubt I had that I'm good enough. I know SGs are supposed to be confident and not ask, "Am I good enough?" And I never did. But still, there was this little bit of doubt in the back of my mind, probably rooted in a bit of a troubled childhood. But my point is that as my set gets closer to MR, I'm starting to lose that doubt and get more excited, less nervous and scared. I'm really confident about this now. I'm not saying that I'm already a Suicide Girl, so for whoever said on my last blog that I'm not an SG yet-- trust me, I'm well aware. However, just being a Hopeful is really helping my confidence. I can't take all the credit for that one, though-- a lot of my new-found confidence and excitement comes from the amazing ladies in the Hopefuls Only group. They've been wonderful, and I almost find myself hoping that I don't go pink right away so I won't have to leave that group That's an almost, though... hehe

So yah, the point of this obscenely long update is that my set goes up in 10 days, and I hope you all check it out. Also, I've been reunited with my best friend, and I'm hoping that we can restore our relationship to its former glory ^.^