amitabha

We stood outside in the Mississippi rain. The humidity was so thick you could see the ripples in the air with each exhale. I felt like things might be getting better.. we were at a new school, but again I was the new kid. I've lost count at this point. Eventually you get used to starting half way through the semester and playing catch up with the rest of the kids while they all ask you over and over how to pronounce your name and why it's so weird, and if you have a four wheeler, cause their dad does, and you should get one. She worked two jobs, and I respected her for that so even then it didn't bother me to sit out in the rain after school and wait for her to pick us up. Things were stable in a weird way, now that they were married it seemed a little more like a family. I still felt worried to eat anything for fear of running out of food, but she reassured me that it was ok. The car reminded me of the house as we drove down the old country street away from town. Hearing the rain hit the roof as the windshield wipers sloshed back and fourth reminded me of sitting in my room with the crooked floor listening to my favorite Uncle Remus tape. The rain always made me content. I never wore my seatbelt,it just didn't make any sense to me, but she told me to put it on anyways. I remember waking up in the floor board throwing up on myself..the doors were open and there were vines everywhere and the rain was coming down onto me. Someone came and pulled me out of the car and took me to their house while the ambulance was on the way. The suckers they gave me were nice, but I kept passing out and throwing up, and all I remembered was hearing my mom scream. I was actually excited at one point because I thought getting hit might mean that we'd get money and things would be different, but getting hit by someone in poverty with no insurance didn't change things the way I thought it would.

True story. I've never even told that to anyone before.. i don't know why I just typed it now.