I Will Eat Your Soul
Fuck you and your fucking pretentious "I'm going to be really healthy / stop smoking / molesting my kids / blah blah / bullshit" New Years Resolution. Everyone knows you're not going to do shit but sit on your dumb ass and do the exact same fucking thing you've been doing for the last how ever many years. I mean really, who do you think you're fooling? New Years Resolutions were invented for the idiots who actually think other people care what their goals are.. and after about two weeks you remember "Oh yea.. wait... no body gives a fuck.. okay, well I guess I can stop pretending." Because if you were going to change some shit about yourself you would have done it a long fucking time ago and you wouldn't be waiting for some holiday that is admittedly meaningless to you to kick of some meaningful and life changing shift. Your new mantra shall be: (say it with me)
" Who the fuck am I kidding? I suck, let's go eat pizza and get high"
There, I think that's a little more accurate than the crap you're reciting in your head as practice before the New Years when you walk around telling everyone how different you're going to be so they can be all excited for you. If you want some attention go jump off a building. I hope who ever invented the stupid fucking trend of New Years Resolutions died in a gruesome car fire.
And another thing... fuck all these stupid "What's In and What's Out" lists that all the papers are publishing. They don't know what they hell they're talking about, but I do. So here is the only list you need:
Whats Out for 2006
1: Myspace
2: Flipped collar frat boys
3: 80's fashion and Vanilla Ice haircuts
4: Conversations about Politics between people who don't even bother to educate themselves on the subject.
5: Hurricane Katrina. Boo fucking Hoo.
6: Fucking god damn Ipods. Christ people, Apple could shit on my cat's head and you would probably find a way to think it was an amazing new invention.
7: Those lame ass "Live Strong" rubber bands that all you clones seem to be wearing these days. Unless you have cancer, take that shit off.
8: Hot girls who look like they are having a seizure when they dance. GET. OFF. THE. STAGE.
9: That whole "Woe is me. I'm dark and mysterious which makes me sexy" attitude.
10: The gross misuse of the word "Burlesque" when everyone knows you're just a damn stripper, shit.
What's IN for 2006
1: www.skullfucking.org
2: Rich jewish girls. They're rich, they're hot, and they killed Jesus. What could be better?!
3: Anything but fucking 80's fashion and Vanilla Ice Ice Baby haircuts.
4: Burningman Pro Bush Rallies
5: AIDS. Mark my words, one day it will be trendy to have aids. Why not this year?
6: Old school boom boxes
7: Switchblades and dead hippies.
8: Your whatsherface friend who dances way better than you anyways.
9: Hate, Sarcasm, and Irony. A nice ass helps too.
10: Vasectomies
Fuck you and your fucking pretentious "I'm going to be really healthy / stop smoking / molesting my kids / blah blah / bullshit" New Years Resolution. Everyone knows you're not going to do shit but sit on your dumb ass and do the exact same fucking thing you've been doing for the last how ever many years. I mean really, who do you think you're fooling? New Years Resolutions were invented for the idiots who actually think other people care what their goals are.. and after about two weeks you remember "Oh yea.. wait... no body gives a fuck.. okay, well I guess I can stop pretending." Because if you were going to change some shit about yourself you would have done it a long fucking time ago and you wouldn't be waiting for some holiday that is admittedly meaningless to you to kick of some meaningful and life changing shift. Your new mantra shall be: (say it with me)
" Who the fuck am I kidding? I suck, let's go eat pizza and get high"
There, I think that's a little more accurate than the crap you're reciting in your head as practice before the New Years when you walk around telling everyone how different you're going to be so they can be all excited for you. If you want some attention go jump off a building. I hope who ever invented the stupid fucking trend of New Years Resolutions died in a gruesome car fire.
And another thing... fuck all these stupid "What's In and What's Out" lists that all the papers are publishing. They don't know what they hell they're talking about, but I do. So here is the only list you need:
Whats Out for 2006
1: Myspace
2: Flipped collar frat boys
3: 80's fashion and Vanilla Ice haircuts
4: Conversations about Politics between people who don't even bother to educate themselves on the subject.
5: Hurricane Katrina. Boo fucking Hoo.
6: Fucking god damn Ipods. Christ people, Apple could shit on my cat's head and you would probably find a way to think it was an amazing new invention.
7: Those lame ass "Live Strong" rubber bands that all you clones seem to be wearing these days. Unless you have cancer, take that shit off.
8: Hot girls who look like they are having a seizure when they dance. GET. OFF. THE. STAGE.
9: That whole "Woe is me. I'm dark and mysterious which makes me sexy" attitude.
10: The gross misuse of the word "Burlesque" when everyone knows you're just a damn stripper, shit.
What's IN for 2006
1: www.skullfucking.org
2: Rich jewish girls. They're rich, they're hot, and they killed Jesus. What could be better?!
3: Anything but fucking 80's fashion and Vanilla Ice Ice Baby haircuts.
4: Burningman Pro Bush Rallies
5: AIDS. Mark my words, one day it will be trendy to have aids. Why not this year?
6: Old school boom boxes
7: Switchblades and dead hippies.
8: Your whatsherface friend who dances way better than you anyways.
9: Hate, Sarcasm, and Irony. A nice ass helps too.
10: Vasectomies
VIEW 23 of 23 COMMENTS
Have a happy new year!
Ps: I loathe Ipods and those stupid plastic bands as well...
I love your
"9: That whole "Woe is me. I'm dark and mysterious which makes me sexy" attitude."
"10: The gross misuse of the word "Burlesque" when everyone knows you're just a damn stripper, shit."
and
"2: Rich jewish girls. They're rich, they're hot, and they killed Jesus. What could be better?!"
For this
"5: AIDS. Mark my words, one day it will be trendy to have aids. Why not this year?"
You know in France for a part of very young barebakers it is trendy. sadly trendy.