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amelinda

Florida/Idaho

SG Since 2005

Followers 2133 Following 246

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Thursday Sep 17, 2009

Sep 16, 2009
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I finally broke down about 2 weeks ago, and decided to get on antidepresants. .
I have been fighting urges of suicide for a long while now, and its to the point were I needed to get help.
My life has been pretty rough, things that I think would push any one into depresion and/or thoughts of suicide, but I am not a big fan of medications, and I feel like I am a rational person so I tried to deal with things and fake happiness. Fake it til you make it-it didnt work for me.
after only about 3 days of using these pills I noticed a differince. My life feels less overwhelming. Thats about the only good thing though. Now that things seem easier and less stressful I find myself bored ALL the time. But I lack motivation. Like even playing with my kids is too much work for me. I just want to sit an do nothing all day.
Also, I was told that these pills will help me sleep at night...yeah right. Its 430am right now, and I havent been to sleep yet. I just toss and turn all night. And when I actually do fall asleep I have very vivid, and real feeling dreams. I realize the are only dreams, but the still effect my day. Like for instance, one of the good dreams I had was about the very sexy Ryan Reynolds. I woke up, knew it was a dream, but still like all day long I couldn't stop thinking about him, like as if any minute he was just gunna come walking through the door.
Most of the dreams are bad dreams though. I wake up in a panic and worried. I had a dream that my dad was trying to kill himslef about 3 days ago, I talked to him the next day and he said everything is good, but I still feel in my heart like something bad has happened to him. Its really hard to explain.
I felt sad, empty, stressed and so close to the edge before I got on these pills, but now I feel crazy. I want to stop taking them, but my ex and my friend both have told me they see a positive difference in me.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
realistic67:
20 years...

Look back and think of all the strength it took to keep all that stuff at bay and remain sane... The edge point of being sane is knowing when you need help and using that strength for yourself and ask for it. Your on the right path. ( I mean you've had kids and survived and they're well... I can't even say anything like that.. I admire you )

Use all that that strength you know deep down you have, like Judo... flip your hurt and pain over and past you... Like judo, it takes practice and training... but eventually... after all the work you'll be even stronger for yourself and the ones you love
Sep 21, 2009
silencia:
Sometimes medication does make a huge difference. I've worked with troubled youth for a while, and I've seen dramatic changes in affects because of meds. I used to be against any and all medication, but recently, I've seen that in some cases, it's necessary
Sep 22, 2009

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