three updates in two days....thats a record for me, well maybe not quite, but close....
I've come to a realization today about the type of friend I am. For guys I'm pretty close to the typical guy buddy...just abit geekier then most. For girls...well appernelty I'm not the kind that you just randomly chat with. Meaning I'm not a casual friend I guess. Let me try it this way, I am a great friend when it comes to extreme situation, like pregancy, abuse and rape. Sadly I know this from experience. I don't knw what I'm saying...I'm just rambling I guess. how many times canit hurt, let me cut the ways. I finished a fairly involved project at work today. A preety big deal since not only was it my first major project under my new boss, but it was prety much my first major project outside of school. I have worked on it for 3 months. The boss liked it, and the client seemed impressed with what they saw, but since most of my stuff is backend apps, they wouldn't see much of it anyway. The watermain in front of my house brst yesterday. All night they were ripping open the sreet to get to it to fix it. My brothercame up for our great aunt's funeral and stayed for turkey day. We went to a sports bar and played pool (I sucked), some shotting game (I out shot the marine) and a Guns N Roses pinball machine (for like 3 hours). Xmas is coming up, and I can't remember the last time I celebrated with just my mom and me. I'm used to being with 2 or 3 auntsand uncles, about a dozen cousins, toss in some random friend. this year isgoing to suck. I found out why she abandonded me, I wish I hadn'ted asked. Failing that, I really wish she had the deciency to tell me herself instead of hearing it in casual conversation by a friend who didn't even realize we had a thing going. I close my eyes and see a huge world layedout before me. I don't know what to do. I really want to start my next life, but that little bit of me that was brainwashed by catholic indoctrination is to scared to risk eternal damnation, even though the kicker is that my life is more then worth of it anyway. I am a monster that refuse to admit it. I want to feast on the blood of my enemies...and perhaps on someone I like. I want to wage a war across the world. I want my name to survive through history making hitler look like a good sameritan. My wrath is swift and my vengence terrible. and that little voice that keeps me in check....it has nothing to do with social vaules or morality....its only strength is that I care what the people I love and respect think of me. Take away those few people that keep me in check and I will throw the world in chaos. A hero should never stand alone, it says so right on the poster. I head up a group that takes pride in being social outcasts and changling authority out of bordem. Guess that means i should stand alone....somebodies lstening to that one. The desire to fee my knife glide across my skin is worse then my craving for a smoke when I quit smoking. The monster wants out and I don't know how ong I can hold it at bay by myself.No I shall journy to my land of nightmares. I slep in a world that scares the shit out of me. And people wonder while I'm alwys tired.
I've come to a realization today about the type of friend I am. For guys I'm pretty close to the typical guy buddy...just abit geekier then most. For girls...well appernelty I'm not the kind that you just randomly chat with. Meaning I'm not a casual friend I guess. Let me try it this way, I am a great friend when it comes to extreme situation, like pregancy, abuse and rape. Sadly I know this from experience. I don't knw what I'm saying...I'm just rambling I guess. how many times canit hurt, let me cut the ways. I finished a fairly involved project at work today. A preety big deal since not only was it my first major project under my new boss, but it was prety much my first major project outside of school. I have worked on it for 3 months. The boss liked it, and the client seemed impressed with what they saw, but since most of my stuff is backend apps, they wouldn't see much of it anyway. The watermain in front of my house brst yesterday. All night they were ripping open the sreet to get to it to fix it. My brothercame up for our great aunt's funeral and stayed for turkey day. We went to a sports bar and played pool (I sucked), some shotting game (I out shot the marine) and a Guns N Roses pinball machine (for like 3 hours). Xmas is coming up, and I can't remember the last time I celebrated with just my mom and me. I'm used to being with 2 or 3 auntsand uncles, about a dozen cousins, toss in some random friend. this year isgoing to suck. I found out why she abandonded me, I wish I hadn'ted asked. Failing that, I really wish she had the deciency to tell me herself instead of hearing it in casual conversation by a friend who didn't even realize we had a thing going. I close my eyes and see a huge world layedout before me. I don't know what to do. I really want to start my next life, but that little bit of me that was brainwashed by catholic indoctrination is to scared to risk eternal damnation, even though the kicker is that my life is more then worth of it anyway. I am a monster that refuse to admit it. I want to feast on the blood of my enemies...and perhaps on someone I like. I want to wage a war across the world. I want my name to survive through history making hitler look like a good sameritan. My wrath is swift and my vengence terrible. and that little voice that keeps me in check....it has nothing to do with social vaules or morality....its only strength is that I care what the people I love and respect think of me. Take away those few people that keep me in check and I will throw the world in chaos. A hero should never stand alone, it says so right on the poster. I head up a group that takes pride in being social outcasts and changling authority out of bordem. Guess that means i should stand alone....somebodies lstening to that one. The desire to fee my knife glide across my skin is worse then my craving for a smoke when I quit smoking. The monster wants out and I don't know how ong I can hold it at bay by myself.No I shall journy to my land of nightmares. I slep in a world that scares the shit out of me. And people wonder while I'm alwys tired.