The other day I sat huddled over a burrito at lunch. I'm not sure why it was that particular moment that I started thinking about things, I'm sure I'd rather it been some London pub overlooking Big Ben surrounded by a group of strangers idly making conversation. But there I was at a table, alone, facing a wall. It couldn't have been a more mundane moment had I planned it out that way. I thought about my financial situation, it could be worse. I thought about all the paper hanging up on my wall. Time spent with my nose buried in books, and learning the industry. Then it happened, my soul took a deep breath and I relaxed a bit in my chair. I've been so wrapped up into moving forward, that I haven't stopped to think about how far I've come already. I remember starting my job at Artesyn, one of the first guys I talked to on the fuser repair line conversed with me. Strangely enough we became fast friends, and later had an interesting conversation about suicide where he was asking me what the best way to off one's self would be.
"So you were big stuff where you worked before, huh? Well you're nothing here, welcome to the bottom!" At the time I took it as being an insult, but it also gave me one of those moments where if I were in a movie, the camera would pan out and show the huge mass of working people, until the orgy of production was a pinpoint embedded on a 300 year daily calendar sprawled across some mansion wall. It was true, at that point in my life, I was nothing. Before I was promoted to process lead, then line lead, shift lead, night supervisor, and then Engineering....I was an unknown in a blue ESD smock, nervous about not knowing what to do or whom everyone was. Two years later I was conducting tours for the VP of production's business associates, and making the company money while simultaneously being overhead. Being laid off by a group of people I conducted a tour with only a month before, left a bitter taste in my mouth. I left there feeling defeated, and although the quickness that I got my next 6 year workforce journey should have been an achievement in and of itself, I lost valuable self-esteem, which was only exacerbated by the crummy environment I found myself in working at the college. But this blog isn't to mull over what could have been, or what didn't happen. It's one of discovery.
When I started working as a network security specialist, there was no suicidal employee there to greet me as the bottom run on the ladder. There were no late night projects so I could climb my way to the top of the corporate ladder. Instead I was greeted with a shy kind of respect. I'm not the phone-answering entry-level peon that I was treated for years as. I was an equal, or above equal who is asked questions on a regular basis, with hopefully eyes on me that I'll be able to present the right answer. It's a good feeling, but even as it was happening I felt awkward and quickly let those around me know I'm just one of the guys, though I've been fighting my own demons in so far is trying to get used to all the changes around me.
I can't say as though I feel more important. When I'm at a job, I'm more interested in making sure that all the pieces I need to accomplish my part are in place. What I felt, sitting alone during my lunch was a sense of relief. That feeling as though, I still have a long way to go to where I want to be, but at the same time I'm finally where I'm supposed to be. It makes all those years of feeling pissed off worth it, and it was nice to have a moment like that before school starts again, and the whole cycle starts over.
"So you were big stuff where you worked before, huh? Well you're nothing here, welcome to the bottom!" At the time I took it as being an insult, but it also gave me one of those moments where if I were in a movie, the camera would pan out and show the huge mass of working people, until the orgy of production was a pinpoint embedded on a 300 year daily calendar sprawled across some mansion wall. It was true, at that point in my life, I was nothing. Before I was promoted to process lead, then line lead, shift lead, night supervisor, and then Engineering....I was an unknown in a blue ESD smock, nervous about not knowing what to do or whom everyone was. Two years later I was conducting tours for the VP of production's business associates, and making the company money while simultaneously being overhead. Being laid off by a group of people I conducted a tour with only a month before, left a bitter taste in my mouth. I left there feeling defeated, and although the quickness that I got my next 6 year workforce journey should have been an achievement in and of itself, I lost valuable self-esteem, which was only exacerbated by the crummy environment I found myself in working at the college. But this blog isn't to mull over what could have been, or what didn't happen. It's one of discovery.
When I started working as a network security specialist, there was no suicidal employee there to greet me as the bottom run on the ladder. There were no late night projects so I could climb my way to the top of the corporate ladder. Instead I was greeted with a shy kind of respect. I'm not the phone-answering entry-level peon that I was treated for years as. I was an equal, or above equal who is asked questions on a regular basis, with hopefully eyes on me that I'll be able to present the right answer. It's a good feeling, but even as it was happening I felt awkward and quickly let those around me know I'm just one of the guys, though I've been fighting my own demons in so far is trying to get used to all the changes around me.
I can't say as though I feel more important. When I'm at a job, I'm more interested in making sure that all the pieces I need to accomplish my part are in place. What I felt, sitting alone during my lunch was a sense of relief. That feeling as though, I still have a long way to go to where I want to be, but at the same time I'm finally where I'm supposed to be. It makes all those years of feeling pissed off worth it, and it was nice to have a moment like that before school starts again, and the whole cycle starts over.
MUAH!!