My debut set "Cinnamon" shot by @Shaine went live earlier today!
I have had so many feelings surrounding this set; excitement, nervousness, pride.. But above all, I feel very optimistic when I think about it and how it will affect my future, I believe that this is the start of many great things for me. I have been a long time supporter and fan of Suicide Girls and the fact that I have the opportunity to not only have my own photos on this site, but to also be apart of this community.. It feels crazy and wildly humbling.
I wanted to make a post reflecting on my experience with Shaine. Cinnamon was my first ever professional photoshoot with a reputable photographer, a NUDE photoshoot no less, and I was SO nervous. I remember when I sent my e-mail to Suicide Girls on a whim (I wasn't even expecting anyone to get back to me) but low and behold, Shaine reached out to me on Instagram and said that she would be happy to work with me! I instantly felt a whirlwind of emotions (mostly excitement) and I remember verbally screaming and jumping around, feeling SO happy. We set a date to shoot and then the countdown began.
In the months leading up to my shoot, I practiced posing and makeup, I worked out, I did TONS of research by looking at other Suicide Girls' social media profiles (in particular, @octaviamay and @lorettarose because I am OBSESSED with them! Major girl crushes.) I watched countless YouTube videos and read so many articles on how to have a successful photoshoot and get over the pre-shoot jitters. I remember when Shaine told me what she wanted me to wear for the shoot and how she wanted me to do my makeup and I remember feeling super panicked because it all felt very minimal to me! I am so used to doing big winged eyeliner and wearing lashes that will make me fly away if I blink too fast. Shaine suggested that I use next to no makeup and wear a simple tube top and jean shorts, at first I was hesitant, but ultimately I wanted to trust her judgement, so I did exactly what she suggested. Honestly, it worked so perfectly for the set and I'm so happy I trusted her creative abilities. I couldn't imagine shooting the set any other way.
The day finally came - it was time for the photoshoot. I made my way out to the AirBnb where the shoot would be held, I called my mom on the way there, I remember her being so happy for me, saying things like: "I can't wait to see the photos, my baby is so beautiful, you're going to do so well." As nervous as I was, that phone call really helped ease my anxious thoughts. I arrived at my destination and texted Shaine to tell her that I was outside. She told me that she was just finishing up a shoot with another girl and if I didn't mind, I could come in and wait while they got the last few shots in. At first, I was super nervous, I didn't think anyone else would be there! I quickly got over that and looked at it as an opportunity to see a full fledged Suicide Girl in action. Shaine greeted me at the door (I was so excited to finally meet face to face) she was so warm and inviting and instantly made me feel comfortable. We went upstairs where I was greeted by none other than @ceres! I remember my first thoughts being holy crap, she's a goddess. Ceres was equally sweet as she was inviting, I remember the two of them complimenting me and me feeling so flustered and just so happy to be there.
I huddled up on the stairs and quietly watched them work; if you don't know this already, I'm here to tell you that Shaine and Ceres are magic together! Ceres looked like an angel and Shaine captured her essence so perfectly. I waited for them to be finished then Ceres and I exchanged socials and got to know each other a little bit. She offered to stick around and take some behind the scenes shots if I was comfortable with it, and I was.
This being my first "real" photoshoot, I was super nervous (and did I mention excited?) Shaine and Ceres helped make me feel comfortable and they guided me through it, which was really helpful. I suffer from pretty severe anxiety and self confidence issues and I really thought that it would make me ruin my photoshoot, but my anxieties melted away and I found myself having a lot of fun chatting and joking around with them, I'm super thankful for that. It's not easy for me to meet new people, much less get naked in front of them and have them take photos of me, but those two made it such a pleasant experience.
Shaine was professional, sweet, and understanding and I'm so thankful that my first shoot was with her. It's not everyday you find someone that makes you feel that comfortable in a vulnerable situation such as a nude photoshoot. She's so talented and I am absolutely in love with my set, she did such an amazing job and I can't wait to work with her again in the future.
I hope you all enjoy my set! Even if it doesn't go pink, I'm just so happy to be here representing myself and making art with talented people. I feel truly blessed and humbled by this experience, it has given me a new found confidence and has allowed me to be part of an amazing community.
Thank you all so much. 🐱💕
