Ever have a day where you just want to yell fuck really loudly?
That is today, for me. I ended up getting into a fairly substantial fight with my boyfriend last night. Not over anything that he specifically did, but rather shitty communication (which is pretty much the cause of any of my fights - I usually try to be good about saying 'this makes me unhappy' but sometimes I end up flipping out and any rational thought is out the window) and stuff that he was sort of in on but wasn't his fault. In any case, we made it through and made up and I remember why I don't like getting furious, cause it only ends up with everyone having hurt feelings, especially me because I feel bad for hurting the other people's feelings. It makes me cringe when I think about how I yelled at him last night.
But on the upside, he let me in on some really rather private stuff that let me know that even though I thought we were completely different in this particular area, we're not. He's just better at hiding it. This seems to be the case with a lot of people once I get close to them. Hmm. Although I guess he is a former actor, and props to him cause he was really good at keeping me from finding out until now. But I'm glad I know - it brings us closer together.
So now I'm mostly just frustrated about my actions last night, though of course being frustrated about them doesn't fix anything now. It was really just a combination of old hurt (leftover from high school and earlier, which is kind of ridiculous but sometimes things you think were locked away for good find their way out) and stress - stress because at that point I had been up since 5 am (it was midnight) with about 2 hours worth of naps scattered throughout the day, stress because I worked 9 hours, stress because my feet and back hurt, stress because I'm not going on vacation because I have a 40 hour work week and no one to cover for me, stress because I'm broke - you can see where this is going. So put those two together (and the old hurt is really volatile for me), mix it with some alcohol (though I was smart enough to realize after my first drink that I wasn't having fun and drinking more would just make the situation worse) and you get one painful explosion of emotion. Talk about suck. The situation really blows but again, nothing I can do about it now. I apologized to a few people for starting drama, and I want to spend the evening with my boyfriend if he feels like it, because even when we got up this morning we still were definitely carrying a funk from last night. So boo on today.
Hopefully the rest of my week will be drama-free. No Jumping for Jim is playing at knickerbockers on Tuesday night. I dunno who they're playing with but it's only something like $5. So if you like fast punk and have nothin better to do, you should check it out. My buddies in Good with Guns and Luna Triste are also playing at duffy's on Wednesday, and that'll also be something like $5-10. I'll definitely be at the Tuesday show, maybe also at the Wednesday one. It's been a while since I saw Good with Guns play. Also, props to both Qwerty and Yoyo who finally went live this week - those girls have been waiting for months! Yay for them!
And now I'm going to shower cause I smell like superarmpit. And I might nap cause I feel like crap. Hopefully my next post will be less angsty.
That is today, for me. I ended up getting into a fairly substantial fight with my boyfriend last night. Not over anything that he specifically did, but rather shitty communication (which is pretty much the cause of any of my fights - I usually try to be good about saying 'this makes me unhappy' but sometimes I end up flipping out and any rational thought is out the window) and stuff that he was sort of in on but wasn't his fault. In any case, we made it through and made up and I remember why I don't like getting furious, cause it only ends up with everyone having hurt feelings, especially me because I feel bad for hurting the other people's feelings. It makes me cringe when I think about how I yelled at him last night.
But on the upside, he let me in on some really rather private stuff that let me know that even though I thought we were completely different in this particular area, we're not. He's just better at hiding it. This seems to be the case with a lot of people once I get close to them. Hmm. Although I guess he is a former actor, and props to him cause he was really good at keeping me from finding out until now. But I'm glad I know - it brings us closer together.
So now I'm mostly just frustrated about my actions last night, though of course being frustrated about them doesn't fix anything now. It was really just a combination of old hurt (leftover from high school and earlier, which is kind of ridiculous but sometimes things you think were locked away for good find their way out) and stress - stress because at that point I had been up since 5 am (it was midnight) with about 2 hours worth of naps scattered throughout the day, stress because I worked 9 hours, stress because my feet and back hurt, stress because I'm not going on vacation because I have a 40 hour work week and no one to cover for me, stress because I'm broke - you can see where this is going. So put those two together (and the old hurt is really volatile for me), mix it with some alcohol (though I was smart enough to realize after my first drink that I wasn't having fun and drinking more would just make the situation worse) and you get one painful explosion of emotion. Talk about suck. The situation really blows but again, nothing I can do about it now. I apologized to a few people for starting drama, and I want to spend the evening with my boyfriend if he feels like it, because even when we got up this morning we still were definitely carrying a funk from last night. So boo on today.
Hopefully the rest of my week will be drama-free. No Jumping for Jim is playing at knickerbockers on Tuesday night. I dunno who they're playing with but it's only something like $5. So if you like fast punk and have nothin better to do, you should check it out. My buddies in Good with Guns and Luna Triste are also playing at duffy's on Wednesday, and that'll also be something like $5-10. I'll definitely be at the Tuesday show, maybe also at the Wednesday one. It's been a while since I saw Good with Guns play. Also, props to both Qwerty and Yoyo who finally went live this week - those girls have been waiting for months! Yay for them!
And now I'm going to shower cause I smell like superarmpit. And I might nap cause I feel like crap. Hopefully my next post will be less angsty.