Just a few things I need to spit out before I get to work on editing these photos.
-Sick of hearing about the Coyotes ownership drama. Not from reputable media.... but from little fanboys who think its cute to remind me that I could lose my captain... OR MY TEAM. I'm trying to save up to buy lots of Coyotes gear right now.
-Also I'm literally sick. So much time without my meds and accidentally missing my vitamins has sent me into full on anxiety mode. Bad enough that when I'm trying to lay down and my hairs on my legs won't stop tickling each other from the wind making me think its a bug, I break down and just decided to let the swarm of flesh-eating bugs take me over.
Plus I have cramps and all that girl stuff.
Luckily, tricare was kind, patient, and understanding with me. Both women that I spoke to waited for my tears to calm down before speaking or asking me anything. Which is more than I can say for my doctor in Harker Heights, Verizon, my ex, my parents, or the walmart pharmacist. I never in my life thought it would be insurance calls that helped me calm down.
-Speaking of this... my meds were refilled yesterday..... kind of. They wrote a new script for 5 days. I have to call tricare again (and possibly my PCM) and get permission to see a doctor here in denver on the reg. Pretty pissed that my PCM DEMANDED I have a follow up with her before she would allow me to continue using meds she gave me. Meds that obviously haven't killed me, and that I wasn't abusing. I get they're Schedule IV Controlled, but I have a positive history with them and she watched my use. I can't wait to see someone else.
-My baby brother finally called me yesterday. I really need to replace my phone so I can speak to him more often. I miss him a lot. He fractured his ankle recently and was told to continue working. Apparently the person at Creighton reading the xrays misread or something. So he was told to keep walking on it, keep working, etc etc. Someone else pulled him aside today at work and asked why he wasn't using his crutches. Long story short, the medical help is bullshit and he almost got kicked out of work for someone else's fuck up.
-I'm now addicted to Cotton Candy Mini Muffins
-I'm pretty depressed. Only about one thing. Excluding the anxiety coming back in full force, and this one sad thing, life is still pretty great. But for the last few months I've been beating myself up. Hating myself. And attempting to destroy my own life slowly. Then I tried to make myself better, for the wrong reason. I tried everything I could to get back to a happy place. To move on from this little slice of hell I put myself in. Two nights ago..... I was given the reason to not feel bad for anything I've done. While it hurts, it fucking sucks, and sometimes I want to break things..... I'm a little more free from my own mind. It still adds to the stress, atleast on the surface. But I don't have to feel bad anymore. I don't have any reason to sit and wonder how badly it hurt the person, or what it caused, or what could have been. There's nothing in the world that could change what is happening.
I'm no longer the bad guy. I started it, they finished it pretty well. And honestly, I don't feel bad when my brain tells me that they've deserved everything that has happened to them. When it keeps happening, it's not them, it's you.
And you can bet your pretty pink ass I'll be using this entire thing to my advantage. (Feel free to screencap this blog and name it evidence #12, sweetheart)
-People suck LOL
-I have this cool friend and she lives in New Mexico and I wish I could hang out with her.
-I miss Reekie. Using cheap shit from the back to school college section of the walmart website, I basically decorated our entire living room. That we don't have. When I do these things, I get very giddy about moving in with her but then I remember that the ONLY apartment that allowed pets was NOT made for pets. At all. Even though they do month-to-month leases after 3-4 months without the rent changing. It's perfect except that Bryzly and I would die trying to let her go pee.
-I need to learn to play the banjo.
-Lately, I've started to really be fucking happy that I didn't finish college. Sorry to those who did, but a majority of college graduates are working jobs that I could get without one. And I have a vision for my life, and it doesn't involve anything that requires THOUSANDS in debt (and the certificate that says I aquired so much debt) except my dream job but oh well. I don't like wearing business casual anyways. I can make my dream job happen without a degree. You can tell me it will be harder without one, but I can get a business loan more easily and my day to day life will be better without the debt.
-I hope that didn't come off as snobby.
-I really need to visit Canada.
-I need a new bra more than I need to visit Canada. I hate that I can't add the bra I need to my wishlist without putting my personal address in danger. Oh well.
xoxo Alyeska
-Sick of hearing about the Coyotes ownership drama. Not from reputable media.... but from little fanboys who think its cute to remind me that I could lose my captain... OR MY TEAM. I'm trying to save up to buy lots of Coyotes gear right now.
-Also I'm literally sick. So much time without my meds and accidentally missing my vitamins has sent me into full on anxiety mode. Bad enough that when I'm trying to lay down and my hairs on my legs won't stop tickling each other from the wind making me think its a bug, I break down and just decided to let the swarm of flesh-eating bugs take me over.
Plus I have cramps and all that girl stuff.
Luckily, tricare was kind, patient, and understanding with me. Both women that I spoke to waited for my tears to calm down before speaking or asking me anything. Which is more than I can say for my doctor in Harker Heights, Verizon, my ex, my parents, or the walmart pharmacist. I never in my life thought it would be insurance calls that helped me calm down.
-Speaking of this... my meds were refilled yesterday..... kind of. They wrote a new script for 5 days. I have to call tricare again (and possibly my PCM) and get permission to see a doctor here in denver on the reg. Pretty pissed that my PCM DEMANDED I have a follow up with her before she would allow me to continue using meds she gave me. Meds that obviously haven't killed me, and that I wasn't abusing. I get they're Schedule IV Controlled, but I have a positive history with them and she watched my use. I can't wait to see someone else.
-My baby brother finally called me yesterday. I really need to replace my phone so I can speak to him more often. I miss him a lot. He fractured his ankle recently and was told to continue working. Apparently the person at Creighton reading the xrays misread or something. So he was told to keep walking on it, keep working, etc etc. Someone else pulled him aside today at work and asked why he wasn't using his crutches. Long story short, the medical help is bullshit and he almost got kicked out of work for someone else's fuck up.
-I'm now addicted to Cotton Candy Mini Muffins
-I'm pretty depressed. Only about one thing. Excluding the anxiety coming back in full force, and this one sad thing, life is still pretty great. But for the last few months I've been beating myself up. Hating myself. And attempting to destroy my own life slowly. Then I tried to make myself better, for the wrong reason. I tried everything I could to get back to a happy place. To move on from this little slice of hell I put myself in. Two nights ago..... I was given the reason to not feel bad for anything I've done. While it hurts, it fucking sucks, and sometimes I want to break things..... I'm a little more free from my own mind. It still adds to the stress, atleast on the surface. But I don't have to feel bad anymore. I don't have any reason to sit and wonder how badly it hurt the person, or what it caused, or what could have been. There's nothing in the world that could change what is happening.
I'm no longer the bad guy. I started it, they finished it pretty well. And honestly, I don't feel bad when my brain tells me that they've deserved everything that has happened to them. When it keeps happening, it's not them, it's you.
And you can bet your pretty pink ass I'll be using this entire thing to my advantage. (Feel free to screencap this blog and name it evidence #12, sweetheart)
-People suck LOL
-I have this cool friend and she lives in New Mexico and I wish I could hang out with her.
-I miss Reekie. Using cheap shit from the back to school college section of the walmart website, I basically decorated our entire living room. That we don't have. When I do these things, I get very giddy about moving in with her but then I remember that the ONLY apartment that allowed pets was NOT made for pets. At all. Even though they do month-to-month leases after 3-4 months without the rent changing. It's perfect except that Bryzly and I would die trying to let her go pee.
-I need to learn to play the banjo.
-Lately, I've started to really be fucking happy that I didn't finish college. Sorry to those who did, but a majority of college graduates are working jobs that I could get without one. And I have a vision for my life, and it doesn't involve anything that requires THOUSANDS in debt (and the certificate that says I aquired so much debt) except my dream job but oh well. I don't like wearing business casual anyways. I can make my dream job happen without a degree. You can tell me it will be harder without one, but I can get a business loan more easily and my day to day life will be better without the debt.
-I hope that didn't come off as snobby.
-I really need to visit Canada.
-I need a new bra more than I need to visit Canada. I hate that I can't add the bra I need to my wishlist without putting my personal address in danger. Oh well.
xoxo Alyeska
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Don't worry things will get better, just look for the light.