Life has been better than this moment. It's been worse as well, but that doesn't stop me from wondering when it will get better. When I will finally have the small apartment of my dreams, a job I can hold on to, and a simple happiness to use as a base to build upon.
I don't ask for much. Wood floors, old and worn away. Windows that open so I can enjoy fresh air and watch the curtains dance. But hopefully on a second floor or higher so that I don't worry about strangers walking by. My black and red sheets, zebra blanket and pillows. Avs blanket on my couch. Bryzly sleeping soudly in the sunlight. I want glittery feather boas along my wall with my christmas lights that accent the silver and white sparkles. Posters of all my NHL teams and players along the wall, clashing with the glitter. A little fan to make the fresh air dance around in the white noise.
I've never been one for a simple life, but that home is in my dreams.
I'm lonely now. Alone and lonely. My mind is replaying mistakes and regrets over in my head. Things I should have said, never meant to say, never meant to do. Steps I never meant to take. I am lost within my own self.
I'm addicted to Sleepytime Tea. I wish I could find valerian in pill form and not tea though. Unisom just doesn't cut it and I'm trying to move towards more natural help for my problems. Baby steps towards a healthier diet and intake. I am slowly trying to become the person I need to be, want to be, have always been. There's a happy, healthy, glowing, gorgeous, strong woman inside of me somewhere. A woman who is smart, and has willpower over her own desires.
I am not who I want to be, there's a mask, a coating, over my true self that I am slowly trying to chip away. Someday I will be her. And I just hope I can move past my own mistakes and the mistakes of others against me. The people I love deserve better. And even though I've fucked up, I deserve better as well.
My strength is growing, slowly. But it's there. It always has been.
I miss you SG. I promise to become more active again, and a photo-blog is on its way.
Congrats to the LA Kings and their fans on The Cup! I'm glad O'Sullivan's old team could enjoy this moment.
xoxo Alyeska
I don't ask for much. Wood floors, old and worn away. Windows that open so I can enjoy fresh air and watch the curtains dance. But hopefully on a second floor or higher so that I don't worry about strangers walking by. My black and red sheets, zebra blanket and pillows. Avs blanket on my couch. Bryzly sleeping soudly in the sunlight. I want glittery feather boas along my wall with my christmas lights that accent the silver and white sparkles. Posters of all my NHL teams and players along the wall, clashing with the glitter. A little fan to make the fresh air dance around in the white noise.
I've never been one for a simple life, but that home is in my dreams.
I'm lonely now. Alone and lonely. My mind is replaying mistakes and regrets over in my head. Things I should have said, never meant to say, never meant to do. Steps I never meant to take. I am lost within my own self.
I'm addicted to Sleepytime Tea. I wish I could find valerian in pill form and not tea though. Unisom just doesn't cut it and I'm trying to move towards more natural help for my problems. Baby steps towards a healthier diet and intake. I am slowly trying to become the person I need to be, want to be, have always been. There's a happy, healthy, glowing, gorgeous, strong woman inside of me somewhere. A woman who is smart, and has willpower over her own desires.
I am not who I want to be, there's a mask, a coating, over my true self that I am slowly trying to chip away. Someday I will be her. And I just hope I can move past my own mistakes and the mistakes of others against me. The people I love deserve better. And even though I've fucked up, I deserve better as well.
My strength is growing, slowly. But it's there. It always has been.
I miss you SG. I promise to become more active again, and a photo-blog is on its way.
Congrats to the LA Kings and their fans on The Cup! I'm glad O'Sullivan's old team could enjoy this moment.
xoxo Alyeska
suispud1:
Keep fighting. One day you will tear down those walls that trap you. And we will be there to salute you.
reekie:
I wish I could tell you when things get better, but no one ever knows that. All you can do is put in your all, and just know things get better. Love you girlie and I know you can make this dream come true!