I have this internal struggle that is constantly present in every aspect of my life. I want people to know what I think, how I feel, what I like, and what I don't like, but when it comes time to step up to the plate I either don't step up, or I hide behind anonymity, or at least in my mind what could be seen as that.
I've made tumblrs, e-mail accounts, etc to let me speak or like what I like, but never once do I feel safe about saying it with my name attached to it. I think part of me has been so indoctrinated into if you do ANYTHING on the internet people will link it to you forever and you will be RUINED, or people will never see you the same way and you could be shamed to the edge.
Sadly this is one of these places. I LOVE the female body, and the look of confidence that these amazing girls have. I'm also a huge fan of well crafted tattoos. The thing is that I only go to this site through incognito mode. I don't think its that I'm ashamed that I'm a member of the site, its that I just feel awkward having to describe why this is in the internet history, even though the entire time I'm the one who uses the computer 99.5% of the time, and I of course could clear my history.
FUCK
You know what my real issue is, I over-analyze EVERY aspect of my life. I am constantly wondering "what ifs" and it drains me. At the end of the day, I love coming to this site and seeing the pictures, reading what is going on in the community, etc.
I wish I could adapt the "so what" attitude. I wish I could, when faced with something that goes against what I pertain or someone sees as the norm that I could just say "so what" and then go about my day. Singing the songs I want to sing, watching the movies/tv shows I want to see, reading the books I like to read, playing the games I like to play, etc.
Now I do understand that there are things called responsibilities, and I'm not looking to abandon those, but I do wish that I would fear less about fictional consequences. I want people to see the real me, and be okay with that. The one time I can actually be close to who I really am is when I'm at conventions, where I'm in the true realm of my peers.
So to take that step forward from here, let me introduce a bit of myself.
I'm an indie video game reviewer
I run my own review site
I LOVE supporting indie projects to the point that I had to disconnect my credit card from KickStarter (even though most of the projects I don't actually play/user/read/etc).
I am a father of 2
I am the proud husband to a gorgeous red head for 8+ years.
I'm a reoccurring panelist to some of the gen-fan conventions in the South East US
I enjoy watching lesbian porn, but more for the kissing and beginning foreplay
I enjoy look at beautiful women with amazing tattoos
I'm a huge Sci-Fi fantasy fan
I'm scared shit-less to Cosplay (If I'm going to do it I want the costume to be perfect)
I'm a sucker for real crime shows (ID (Investigate Discovery) is my poison)
I love alcohol, I can drink quite a few beers, or sip on whiskey (to this point just under the crazy point)
My brain is always in 1,000,000 directions so I become paralyzed with all the stuff my brain wants me to do
Finally I suffer from anxiety, depression, bi-polarism, acid reflux, and hyper-somnia (narcalism). I'm a walking pharmacy of pills with all types of side-effects (I've heard that pot would take care of basically all of them, but it's still illegal :( )