altaris

So its time to explain why i've been feeling so crappy as of late. My X has decided to openly slander me and call me names and yes it does hurt to read what he says about me. It seems the only thing he was good for at this point is to fuel my writing. I wrote the best song lyrics i've ever written because of him and now i'm on the verge of writing another really good song. I know that none of you wanna hear about me being sad but it is hard. I loved him for so long and he was my world for 2 years and then to hear(read) what he thinks of me really does hurt. I was half tempted to call him last night and give him a piece of my mind but I didn't for one reason or another. I don't know why but I didn't. Not that I couldn't i still remember his #. I think I didn't do it because I didn't want Jordan to see me cry. Even though last night I warned him that I manage to fuck everything good in my life up. He asked me how I would since he knows I would never cheat on him because i'm one of the most loyal people he knows. I told him that I didn't know I just told him that I manage to fuck things up.

Onto other news i'm going to be lookin gfor a new job now because i'm sick of being screwed over constantly where I work now. I get written up constantly for bullshit reasons and i'm just sick of being screwed over constantly. I mean maybe its time to start really getting all the things i've always wanted to do done this time. Laura and I are going to start a band. Even though I could never play the guitar because my hands are too small but I am going to teach Laura how to play. Of course i'm going to sing and Laura will be singing as well and my babe Jordan will be playing bass. All we have left is a guitarist or two and a drummer. This is something I really need to do because I know that I can do it but I need to get started and soon. The next chance I get i'm going to record me singing my lyrics and see if anyone can put instruments to it. We'll see what happens I guess. Which reminds me I have to harass Laura to come over sometime soon so i can start teaching her to play the guitar.

I really want to skip over tomorrow because I have a doctors appointment and all the girls know what i'm talking about. But hey at least i'll have my birth control then. So that's my lovely update on my crappy life of late. Hope you enjoyed hearing my misery.

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EDIT: So this is what he had to say about me.

whack ass shit? what are u a wigger now just like you are such a badass goth. all you are is a poser and thats never gonna change. why are u reading my entries anyways? it sounds like somebody still is living in the past and still is 5 yrs old. so yeah stay out of my life. u ruined it twice. there will not be a 3rd. i dont want to hear from u ever again. in fact i wish nothing but the worst for you. and the penis joke was so very clever and original. is that all u got? u just need to realize that my penis didnt seem that big because your mouth is so fucking huge. i mean your mouth would have to be big to hold all the bullshit that came out of it. but seriously i hope your bf have a great life. and i hope he loves all your pretty stretch marks. i just hope he sees the truth and gets out of that relationship sooner than i did. stay the fuck out of my life [Bloodshot Mercy]