Jee, its the 28th of November already. Seems this year has flown by quickly once again.
Im in a kind of bummed mood. I read a awesome!!!!!! blog by one of my fav ladies today Avidity check it out. The only thing about it is it got me to thinking. Im 33 years old, single, and not too much hope in the love department here. This town sucks. Now im not going to say ALL the women here are shallow and fake and such, but i would say about 90% are. and the 10% that are not are already in good or great relationships.
In my comments to Avidity, i gave a quick short story about my SOULMATE. fuck i miss her harsh. its been 14 years and the hurt is still there. Its not as intense as it was that night, but pretty damn close. I sit here wiping the tears away (god and its only 925 am!! what a way to start a day eh?) and i find myself staring into nothing remembering her smile, the way she looked at me that sent shivers down my spine. Or the way she would wake me up with a kiss in the morning. and if that did not work the jug of cold water (with ice cubes) she would throw on me. or the way she would hold my hand as we walked in the park. hehe or the ski trip we did where i did a great backflip! only to land on my tummy in powder! Her laugh, the smell of her hair. fuck
all i have are great memories but with time, they are fading.
its not fair. i cannot let her go. i cant lose the memories. its just not fair.
but i guess thats why we go thru life and meet new people. someone told me that even if i lose some memories that deep down in my heart i will remember her always. that she will visit in my dreams. and she has sometimes, but i now find myself dreaming of meeting other women. going for coffee, or dancing. skiing. is it wrong? am i somehow dishonoring her memories? fuck im so confused now. i dont know what all to do anymore. part of me wants to quit coming here and just shut myself in my room/house and not go out except to work. at least at work i can concentrate on that and not have these random thoughts. but another part wants to keep going on this wonderful journey with everyone and learn new things, fall inlove (yes i think one can do that over the internet even if nothing ever happens with it), make great friends (( like Avidity and Saveme and everyone else!)
okie enuff of the heavy crap for today
the other things going on here"
1. The Brick - The war, well its been 5 days of fighting with the bastards to get my refund. yesterday i was on hold 3 times each time was between 35 and 55 mins!! i was told that the matter was given to the assistant manager. well this morning after im done here im calling them up and giving them a piece of my mind! all this just for a freaking queen mat and box spring. i can feel my stress levels rising already
2. Work - well its only been 4 or 5 days off here and im ready to go back. the only prob is they dont have anywhere to put me. im starting to wonder if i made a mistake leaving the old company to come here and work. at least with the old company i was working (like a dog and slave) but at least it was a paycheck. oh well if nothing comes up by thursday ill call this company and inform them that i have to work and see if there is any other companies i could go to do "temp" relief work for them. its all good.
3. Christmas gift exchange - i know i was a few days late but i hope that Howdypardner will forgive this big old dumb slowwitted (okie okie no comments im alowed this bashing once today please! ) boy to be a bit late. i asked her if there is a chance of getting 4 or 5 people to send to. I am just in a total christmas giving spree here
4. Roomies - Ugh!!!! what more can i say. im seriously thinking that if i get full time somewhere again i will find my own appartment and move there, the only thing is cause the oil and gas industry was booming the rents here jumped huge!!!!! i was paying about 425 a month 3 months ago, now my rent went to 550! and im never here! its something ill look into.
5. Chat room last night - Fuck that was wicked. i finally got my web cam hooked up again and was chair dancing with Pammy who totally rocks!!!! way to go girl...hehe i was just reminded by the blockbuster commercial where the 2 gophers where in the pet shop and looking at the blockbuster store and one jumps up and shakes all over and says "shake what your momma gave ya!!!!" hehe still brings a huge smile to my face.
well i guess its off to fight with The Brick! thanks for listening to me rant and rave and go all over on this blog but i feel a bit lighter.
take care
Warm kisses and snuggles from the frozen (its only -33c here right now!) great white north
Ps - if you get a chance listen to LL Cool J's song Hey Lover...it sums up alot of my feelings
Im in a kind of bummed mood. I read a awesome!!!!!! blog by one of my fav ladies today Avidity check it out. The only thing about it is it got me to thinking. Im 33 years old, single, and not too much hope in the love department here. This town sucks. Now im not going to say ALL the women here are shallow and fake and such, but i would say about 90% are. and the 10% that are not are already in good or great relationships.
In my comments to Avidity, i gave a quick short story about my SOULMATE. fuck i miss her harsh. its been 14 years and the hurt is still there. Its not as intense as it was that night, but pretty damn close. I sit here wiping the tears away (god and its only 925 am!! what a way to start a day eh?) and i find myself staring into nothing remembering her smile, the way she looked at me that sent shivers down my spine. Or the way she would wake me up with a kiss in the morning. and if that did not work the jug of cold water (with ice cubes) she would throw on me. or the way she would hold my hand as we walked in the park. hehe or the ski trip we did where i did a great backflip! only to land on my tummy in powder! Her laugh, the smell of her hair. fuck
all i have are great memories but with time, they are fading.
its not fair. i cannot let her go. i cant lose the memories. its just not fair.
but i guess thats why we go thru life and meet new people. someone told me that even if i lose some memories that deep down in my heart i will remember her always. that she will visit in my dreams. and she has sometimes, but i now find myself dreaming of meeting other women. going for coffee, or dancing. skiing. is it wrong? am i somehow dishonoring her memories? fuck im so confused now. i dont know what all to do anymore. part of me wants to quit coming here and just shut myself in my room/house and not go out except to work. at least at work i can concentrate on that and not have these random thoughts. but another part wants to keep going on this wonderful journey with everyone and learn new things, fall inlove (yes i think one can do that over the internet even if nothing ever happens with it), make great friends (( like Avidity and Saveme and everyone else!)
okie enuff of the heavy crap for today
the other things going on here"
1. The Brick - The war, well its been 5 days of fighting with the bastards to get my refund. yesterday i was on hold 3 times each time was between 35 and 55 mins!! i was told that the matter was given to the assistant manager. well this morning after im done here im calling them up and giving them a piece of my mind! all this just for a freaking queen mat and box spring. i can feel my stress levels rising already
2. Work - well its only been 4 or 5 days off here and im ready to go back. the only prob is they dont have anywhere to put me. im starting to wonder if i made a mistake leaving the old company to come here and work. at least with the old company i was working (like a dog and slave) but at least it was a paycheck. oh well if nothing comes up by thursday ill call this company and inform them that i have to work and see if there is any other companies i could go to do "temp" relief work for them. its all good.
3. Christmas gift exchange - i know i was a few days late but i hope that Howdypardner will forgive this big old dumb slowwitted (okie okie no comments im alowed this bashing once today please! ) boy to be a bit late. i asked her if there is a chance of getting 4 or 5 people to send to. I am just in a total christmas giving spree here
4. Roomies - Ugh!!!! what more can i say. im seriously thinking that if i get full time somewhere again i will find my own appartment and move there, the only thing is cause the oil and gas industry was booming the rents here jumped huge!!!!! i was paying about 425 a month 3 months ago, now my rent went to 550! and im never here! its something ill look into.
5. Chat room last night - Fuck that was wicked. i finally got my web cam hooked up again and was chair dancing with Pammy who totally rocks!!!! way to go girl...hehe i was just reminded by the blockbuster commercial where the 2 gophers where in the pet shop and looking at the blockbuster store and one jumps up and shakes all over and says "shake what your momma gave ya!!!!" hehe still brings a huge smile to my face.
well i guess its off to fight with The Brick! thanks for listening to me rant and rave and go all over on this blog but i feel a bit lighter.
take care
Warm kisses and snuggles from the frozen (its only -33c here right now!) great white north
Ps - if you get a chance listen to LL Cool J's song Hey Lover...it sums up alot of my feelings
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
salome:
Thanks for the sweet compliment on my set! I put my heart and soul into this set and I'm so glad you like it!
ladylovelybrit:
thank-you alta. 
