alpo

So one of my self-improvement projects over the last year has been to get a lot more serious about exercising regularly and effectively. You know what? It really does make you less depressed and all that good stuff.

Today was an unusual day at the gym in that I got onto one of the elliptical cardio machines, which are usually all taken. Hours later my muscles from my lower back and ass all the way down still ache (but it's a good ache). If I can keep this up, pretty soon it'll be, like, "So long, flabby thighs! Y'all don't come back now, y'hear?"

It's a tremendous feeling to no longer be ashamed of my upper half, either. Did you ladies know that young men have body-image disorders too? Yup. It sucks. Back when I went to high school amongst the pteronodons and trilobites, I wore a sweatshirt no matter how hot the weather was because I was ashamed of my scrawny arms. No more! Of course, now I have to learn the disadvantages of having big muscles: Accidentally shear bolts in half in inconvenient places* by overtorquing them. Apply parking brake so hard that the next person to borrow my truck can't disengage it. Generally break shit unawares like George in Of Mice and Men.

But then there are the advantages: Generally feel like a badass mofo. Shirts fit better. Cute girls want to feel me up even more than they already do.** Obviously the tradeoff is worth it.



* Specifically, in the front of an engine block. Goddamnit! Where did I put those EZ-Outs?

** That would actually be just one particular cute girl, who is smart, caring, sexy, funny, and generally wonderful, and who, somewhat inexplicably, sees all sorts of good things in me besides my newfound mesomorphism. But that's a story for another campfire.