I've been having a lot of John Cusak moments lately. I talk to myself and I try and rationalize life and figure out what it all means. Of course now that I'm single and have been for a while my focus comes to 'What am I doing wrong?' I really haven't had that many girlfriends but I think a lot of the ones I've had have been real gems.
Kelly (names have been changed to protect the...innocent?). she was my one really big mistake (so far). I met her when I was working as a bouncer at an underage nightclub. She had red hair, I liked red hair. She thought I was cute, I liked girls that thought I was cute. She totally suckered me. She was all peaches and cream when we first started seeing each other. She was very effectionate and I was all about effection. She knew that I flirted at work. Hell, I consider it part of the job. At first she would come to the club all the time and she would pretend to be cool with it. She liked getting in for free and not having to wait in line, she liked the power of dating the a 'bouncer'. We were both barely 20 years old and we had no clue what the hell we were doing. Then we moved in together. This was a monumentally bad idea. I had no clue what I was getting into. All I knew was that we were in love and that was what you did when you fell in love, right? As it turns out Kelly was the jealous type and to make it worse she had that fiery redhead temper.
I'm proud to say that I've never cheated on a girl, ever. She couldn't believe it. She had some serious trust and self-image issues. I think deep down she wanted to be a good person but she just couldn't let herself be happy. Big surprise, she ended up cheating on me. I caught her, not in the act, but I saw what was happening.
She calls one night to tell me that she's going to go shopping with her friend. Right away I get a bad feeling, you see, I always had to call and check in but she never did. I hung out until she showed up from her little shopping expidition. She walks in the door and there's nothing in her hands. I ask her if she needs me to get the bags out of the car. She says there's nothing to bring in, they just went 'window shopping'. I'd like you to know at this point that the only reason she would go window shopping is if she was actually shopping for windows. My heart is beating pure Adrenalin and my gut was telling me I was right. There's a voice in my head that tells me to say something now otherwise I won't have the courage later.
"Who is he?" I ask. She stops dead. If I hadn't been looking her in the eye when I said it I would have missed the look. That look that says, I'm fucked. I tell her that her friend called while she was out. That was lie, a risk, a bluff. There was no way that she was going to call that bluff either, I had her convinced that I knew each and every one of her cards. (See boys can be tricky too.)
I'm very careful to keep my temper in check and say; I'm tired, we'll talk about this in the morning...is she coming? She looked at me for a sec and made her way over to the bed. We get under the covers and I can feel her shaking. It's plenty warm so I know she's freaking out over on her side the bed. I turn out the light and get comfy and I wait. I wait unitl she starts to calm herself, until she starts to think I'm asleep. She stops shaking. I turn to her in the dark and I say; "What's his name?" She jumps up and just about craps her pants. Is it someone I know? Where did this fucker come from? She tells me everything I want to know. This is before I knew better than to ask for answers to question you don't really want to know the answers to. I find out a bit more than I really need to know. I think she took my asking his name as a request for her confession. She told where they went and starts with a few minor details. I couldn't stop myself from listening, I was in shock. She opened the flood gates and regergitated the whole evening. I was cursed with a fairly good imagination and this kind of information paints a seriously fucked up picture in my head. I finally get my mouth to say shut up. "I'm going to sleep now," I tell her, "Goodnight, Pumpkin" It's almost creepy how well I had my emotions in check.
My mind was raging with ways to get even with this guy, I could easily kick his ass, but that was to simple. Then I start think about the fact that this guy was married. I could totally prison rape this guys fucking world. I knew where they went for dinner, I knew where he worked, I knew a whole lot more about him than he did about me. This made me smile, revenge could wait until morning.
She didn't sleep to well, I would find out later that she thought that I was going to kill her while she slept. Just for the record this thought never crossed my mind, but I'd be lieing if I said it didn't make me chuckle. Ha Ha Ha, Poor girl.
We split up a few months later and she eventually moved to Boston. It was her birthday on the 5th. "Happy belated birthday. I hope you're doing well."
Kelly (names have been changed to protect the...innocent?). she was my one really big mistake (so far). I met her when I was working as a bouncer at an underage nightclub. She had red hair, I liked red hair. She thought I was cute, I liked girls that thought I was cute. She totally suckered me. She was all peaches and cream when we first started seeing each other. She was very effectionate and I was all about effection. She knew that I flirted at work. Hell, I consider it part of the job. At first she would come to the club all the time and she would pretend to be cool with it. She liked getting in for free and not having to wait in line, she liked the power of dating the a 'bouncer'. We were both barely 20 years old and we had no clue what the hell we were doing. Then we moved in together. This was a monumentally bad idea. I had no clue what I was getting into. All I knew was that we were in love and that was what you did when you fell in love, right? As it turns out Kelly was the jealous type and to make it worse she had that fiery redhead temper.
I'm proud to say that I've never cheated on a girl, ever. She couldn't believe it. She had some serious trust and self-image issues. I think deep down she wanted to be a good person but she just couldn't let herself be happy. Big surprise, she ended up cheating on me. I caught her, not in the act, but I saw what was happening.
She calls one night to tell me that she's going to go shopping with her friend. Right away I get a bad feeling, you see, I always had to call and check in but she never did. I hung out until she showed up from her little shopping expidition. She walks in the door and there's nothing in her hands. I ask her if she needs me to get the bags out of the car. She says there's nothing to bring in, they just went 'window shopping'. I'd like you to know at this point that the only reason she would go window shopping is if she was actually shopping for windows. My heart is beating pure Adrenalin and my gut was telling me I was right. There's a voice in my head that tells me to say something now otherwise I won't have the courage later.
"Who is he?" I ask. She stops dead. If I hadn't been looking her in the eye when I said it I would have missed the look. That look that says, I'm fucked. I tell her that her friend called while she was out. That was lie, a risk, a bluff. There was no way that she was going to call that bluff either, I had her convinced that I knew each and every one of her cards. (See boys can be tricky too.)
I'm very careful to keep my temper in check and say; I'm tired, we'll talk about this in the morning...is she coming? She looked at me for a sec and made her way over to the bed. We get under the covers and I can feel her shaking. It's plenty warm so I know she's freaking out over on her side the bed. I turn out the light and get comfy and I wait. I wait unitl she starts to calm herself, until she starts to think I'm asleep. She stops shaking. I turn to her in the dark and I say; "What's his name?" She jumps up and just about craps her pants. Is it someone I know? Where did this fucker come from? She tells me everything I want to know. This is before I knew better than to ask for answers to question you don't really want to know the answers to. I find out a bit more than I really need to know. I think she took my asking his name as a request for her confession. She told where they went and starts with a few minor details. I couldn't stop myself from listening, I was in shock. She opened the flood gates and regergitated the whole evening. I was cursed with a fairly good imagination and this kind of information paints a seriously fucked up picture in my head. I finally get my mouth to say shut up. "I'm going to sleep now," I tell her, "Goodnight, Pumpkin" It's almost creepy how well I had my emotions in check.
My mind was raging with ways to get even with this guy, I could easily kick his ass, but that was to simple. Then I start think about the fact that this guy was married. I could totally prison rape this guys fucking world. I knew where they went for dinner, I knew where he worked, I knew a whole lot more about him than he did about me. This made me smile, revenge could wait until morning.
She didn't sleep to well, I would find out later that she thought that I was going to kill her while she slept. Just for the record this thought never crossed my mind, but I'd be lieing if I said it didn't make me chuckle. Ha Ha Ha, Poor girl.
We split up a few months later and she eventually moved to Boston. It was her birthday on the 5th. "Happy belated birthday. I hope you're doing well."
Your profile pic never fails to make me laugh.