I found out yesterday that my mom got married in January to someone who cares for nothing but himself. I've mentioned this to people and they say to me, "She must live far if you're just finding out now."
"Nope," I say "she lives here in town.
They look at me funny. Then the light bulb appears above their head and they say "Aww, you guys just aren't that close, huh?"
"We used to be" I tell them
I've relieved my mom of all of her motherly responsibilities. She is free to fuck up her life as she sees fit. I'm an adult now I don't need any more mothering. I've had my fill, thank you very much. She always let me make my own mistakes and now I release her do the same.
I have to think of myself in this situation. The man has no regaurd or sympathy for how he has manipulated and destroyed my family. I've made it very clear to her that I hate him like no other person that I've ever known. Not because 'he's stealing my mommy away from me." but because he's broken down my entire family. He has turned my mother into what she strived so hard and for so long not to be.
She does things and has stuff that 'my mom' never would. She used to make her own paper. Now, everything is done on her brand new top-of-the-line laptop that he bought for her. She used to dry flowers and decorate the house with rocks and twigs that she brought home because they were 'Neet!'. Now it's all his 'War crap', little medals and pins all neatly displayed around the shiney glass display case that housees his pretty little amry sword.
What I've decided is that I still love her with all of my heart but I can't bring myself to care anymore. I refuse to waste my hours trying to change a mind that doesn't want to change.
When we were younger and she really wanted us to follow her rules she would tell us kids; "We can do this Moms way or we can do this Moms way." She's doing it her way. She thinks this is like trying to get us to clean the living room. She thinks if she sticks to her guns then eventually we'll crumble. If only it were that simple. If only this were something as trivial as vacuuming. More than one life was affected when she made her choices and she's the only one that has refused to acknowledge that.
Oh well, you can't sit and pout about how life sucks. The only sane thing to do is learn from what you've lived and focus on the things in my life that I can change. And as for the rest of the stuff that can't be changed; it can't kill me so it just makes me stronger.
Life continues whether I'm ready or not and I'd rather not waste all of my time mourning the loss of the living. People are just going to come and go in life, family as well as friends. I can't sit around and hope that one day, magically, everything will go back to the way it was. The only place that everything stays the same is in our memories. I will treasure the memories. I will think fondly of the past but I won't sit and wait for it to become reality. I've stored away the good memories and a few of the bad ones just to balance everything out.
So, go on mom, have your fun, make your own mistakes. When your done learning your lesson we kids will be here with bandages for your wounds but you'll have to forgive us for not watching you sit and take your proverbial (?) beating.
"Nope," I say "she lives here in town.
They look at me funny. Then the light bulb appears above their head and they say "Aww, you guys just aren't that close, huh?"
"We used to be" I tell them
I've relieved my mom of all of her motherly responsibilities. She is free to fuck up her life as she sees fit. I'm an adult now I don't need any more mothering. I've had my fill, thank you very much. She always let me make my own mistakes and now I release her do the same.
I have to think of myself in this situation. The man has no regaurd or sympathy for how he has manipulated and destroyed my family. I've made it very clear to her that I hate him like no other person that I've ever known. Not because 'he's stealing my mommy away from me." but because he's broken down my entire family. He has turned my mother into what she strived so hard and for so long not to be.
She does things and has stuff that 'my mom' never would. She used to make her own paper. Now, everything is done on her brand new top-of-the-line laptop that he bought for her. She used to dry flowers and decorate the house with rocks and twigs that she brought home because they were 'Neet!'. Now it's all his 'War crap', little medals and pins all neatly displayed around the shiney glass display case that housees his pretty little amry sword.
What I've decided is that I still love her with all of my heart but I can't bring myself to care anymore. I refuse to waste my hours trying to change a mind that doesn't want to change.
When we were younger and she really wanted us to follow her rules she would tell us kids; "We can do this Moms way or we can do this Moms way." She's doing it her way. She thinks this is like trying to get us to clean the living room. She thinks if she sticks to her guns then eventually we'll crumble. If only it were that simple. If only this were something as trivial as vacuuming. More than one life was affected when she made her choices and she's the only one that has refused to acknowledge that.
Oh well, you can't sit and pout about how life sucks. The only sane thing to do is learn from what you've lived and focus on the things in my life that I can change. And as for the rest of the stuff that can't be changed; it can't kill me so it just makes me stronger.
Life continues whether I'm ready or not and I'd rather not waste all of my time mourning the loss of the living. People are just going to come and go in life, family as well as friends. I can't sit around and hope that one day, magically, everything will go back to the way it was. The only place that everything stays the same is in our memories. I will treasure the memories. I will think fondly of the past but I won't sit and wait for it to become reality. I've stored away the good memories and a few of the bad ones just to balance everything out.
So, go on mom, have your fun, make your own mistakes. When your done learning your lesson we kids will be here with bandages for your wounds but you'll have to forgive us for not watching you sit and take your proverbial (?) beating.