Now... I am done my Saturday call shift! So now I sleep and then work all day tomorrow. And then all week next week. I guess I'm learning a lot though... my dictations are getting faster because I organize better in my head. It's not so bad either 'cause I can wear scrubs all day on the weekends. And it's a good thing the nurses are all nice here too 'cause I don't like cranky nurses. It's like... the one thing that makes work really really bad.
It was kind of cool today too, we had to get a psych consult on one of the people and I was still able to pound out a mental status exam over the phone after all these months. Yeah... OK so maybe it's not that cool. But when all you do is work I guess you get kind of a high from being able to do your work well. If the people I work with are good and the work flows well then I can work 14 hour days all week and it doeesn't seem like that long. Especially if I have food to eat and a caffeine buzz, and some apple cider in the evening... yeah it's nice.
Sometimes, very rarely... I get a feeling of transcendence. I feel like nothing can touch me. I can imagine if you actually know what you're doing, and know every person on the floor because you admitted all of them and you know everything that's going on, it's like a metamorphosis - changing into a force of nature. No fatigue, no hunger, no problem you can't solve. You know every issue... you are in control of everything that happens on your unit. Maybe that's the god complex. Like the pump after a painful workout... that feeling of invincibility.
It's intoxicating. I hollowed out my insides chasing that feeling when I was younger. Sometimes I think it was worth it because when I had it... just for a day... I felt like a god even though I had to pay for it dearly.
I don't know why I write about this so much. I guess it's an obsession that's reflected in everything that captivates me... killing machines, demonic entities, unstoppable hoardes of hungry zombies, professional assassins, barbarians...
Have you seen Princess Mononoke? Imagine the darkness swallowing every living thing across the land. Imagine the hero's infected arm, so powerful he can send an arrow flying such that it tears a man's head from his shoulders. Have you ever felt like that?
It was kind of cool today too, we had to get a psych consult on one of the people and I was still able to pound out a mental status exam over the phone after all these months. Yeah... OK so maybe it's not that cool. But when all you do is work I guess you get kind of a high from being able to do your work well. If the people I work with are good and the work flows well then I can work 14 hour days all week and it doeesn't seem like that long. Especially if I have food to eat and a caffeine buzz, and some apple cider in the evening... yeah it's nice.
Sometimes, very rarely... I get a feeling of transcendence. I feel like nothing can touch me. I can imagine if you actually know what you're doing, and know every person on the floor because you admitted all of them and you know everything that's going on, it's like a metamorphosis - changing into a force of nature. No fatigue, no hunger, no problem you can't solve. You know every issue... you are in control of everything that happens on your unit. Maybe that's the god complex. Like the pump after a painful workout... that feeling of invincibility.
It's intoxicating. I hollowed out my insides chasing that feeling when I was younger. Sometimes I think it was worth it because when I had it... just for a day... I felt like a god even though I had to pay for it dearly.
I don't know why I write about this so much. I guess it's an obsession that's reflected in everything that captivates me... killing machines, demonic entities, unstoppable hoardes of hungry zombies, professional assassins, barbarians...
Have you seen Princess Mononoke? Imagine the darkness swallowing every living thing across the land. Imagine the hero's infected arm, so powerful he can send an arrow flying such that it tears a man's head from his shoulders. Have you ever felt like that?