almost_missed

The exams are good, at least I think I have done well... Macro Accounting and Business Law, I have heaps of confidence in but as for Managerial Accounting... I knew what I was doing but the questions are confusing as hell! Fingers crossed big time! >.<

So recently well reading the game of thrones I realized something. As I have said before, I have a monster in me and I've been keeping it at bay in this enclosure. Imagine a very dark shadow in a light shield. And apparently the barrier is breaking at the seams and it is vapors of that thing is leaking out.

There isn't any intent on killing or shit that takes another's life or self harm but just very dark thoughts about how easy life can be if somethings are done. I don't like it at all but it's been making me feel uncomfortable.

There are times I hate having the "knowledge" on how much the world and life works. No it's not about enlightenment or anything like that, it's more like how seeing lives coming and go be it disasters or natural causes so much that it doesn't bring me any remorse or sadness but just the "meh" reaction, well perhaps if its someone whom I hold dear in my heart which is not a lot considering you can count them all with 10 fingers. A part of me might cringe but it goes away easily then I would ponder how life comes and goes easily.

Sometimes when I think about it, or just another way of looking at things, life is just there. To make sense of that statement I want you to think of nothing and read this question without thinking of an answer & keep your mind blank, "What is life?" I do question my morals at times, just like playing the Walking Dead by Tell Tale Games, should I kill my friend or kill the person who would be of benefit to me? The answers comes to me quite easily. Ill let you guess :P

I know this might freak you out a little but I'm still me. Harming anybody or anything irks me and I'm a pacifist, diplomacy over fisticuffs. Anyways the only way I'm turning this negative energy into something positive is through my drawings. It is like a trip through my mind.

My dark side is like a friend to me at times but he is a mean sonofabitch. He won't be around when I'm talking to peeps but he will be there to observe and voices opinions but he stays silent when he likes the person or if he doesn't feel anything off with that person. It is like a sixth sense that speaks.

I'm used to its voice in my head, my voice haha, it says the meanest things, which I'm not putting up here. However from the way it talks to me in my head, how it points out stuff and etc, feels like it has lived through life times. I have always wondered if it is a accumulation of my subconsciousness through the lives I have loved in the past, reincarnation is something I do believe in but that is another story for later.

While on the street it constantly reminds me of my composure, my posture, my appearance & my "death stare" haha, its a defense mechanism, at the same time while I'm out. I let it talk in my head though I don't reply, opinions and stuff and there are time where it is off somewhere and no voice is talking well I just replace it with music or a jazz band.

This might sound weird to you but hey it has been like this since I was a kid. It does know what it can and cannot do. But hey I'm just putting it into a third person to help give you guys an idea. You know you are not crazy if your mind is talking to yourself.

So on Monday @pyrdaemon is coming to Singapore for a pit stop for a day before flying off to Aussie Land for his brother's wedding. I'll say that I am quite excited considering that he will be the first person I'll be meeting from SG and as well as honored, it's and Asian thing haha, that he would like to meet me in the first place :D (The Chinese characters do read what the English suggests if you are wondering haha)

Been listening to some Japanese songs that I was hooked on in the past, really brings back memories and makes me wanna visit they some day. How can one not be envious of Pyrdaemon? he has been to Korea and Japan, the two countries on my list to visit haha.

Lastly I need to get out of this country soon, the last trip I had was more that half a year ago. Sadly we don't have states here, it's either north south east west of the island depending on your destination. I need to hope onto an aeroplane and fly somewhere else! Anywhere but Singapore so please someone take me away!!! >.<