allonblack

This is a first. I can't sleep because I'm so fucking happy. I was harboring some romantic thoughts about the lifestyle I'm fighting off right now, and I started laughing silly like. Why do I reflect on those moments or those actions that caused so much pain with some kind of longing? Like I miss it or something.

The fuck I do. There is so much hurt, hate, pain, and regret associated with being a full blown drunk. Maybe it's like they said in Swingers. You live like that for so long, that when it goes away, you simply miss it. Like it's part of you.

And sweetie you were right. Those patterns can be broken. I don't have to fall into anything I don't want to fall into.

Irony: The last two songs to come on my mp3 player were, Screeching Weasel - "Let Go", and Social D's "Ball and Chain"

Key lyrics: "Just let go", and "wherever i have gone i was sure to find myself there- you can run all your life but not go anywhere"

I'm done talking about it. I'm just going to let it happen, and be happy about feeling truly good for the first time in a long while. And again, I'm sorry for what went down. You said you I was forgiven but I still need to forgive myself.