Moments of clarity can be the most painful 20 seconds in your life. Tonight I was taking a piss in some bar, barely able to stand up and it hit me. My girlfriend is obviously cheating on me. I spend about 150-200 a week on booze. When I do actually go to work I am so close to getting fired every day solely because of my drinking.
But, am I doing to do anything about it? Fuck no. She knew I drank before we ever went out. This wasn't some shock that drove her over the edge. The edge being walking right in front of my booth in the window that I'm at every fucking night of my favorite bar and smiling at some random guy she was obviously with. I'm sure when I call her tomorrow and she'll tell me I was just drunk and seeing shit. And I won't do a fucking thing about it.I don't know if I truly care. The only thing I care about is stupid male pride. But that's just instinct at this point.
Keeping your distance isn't always apropiate. Especially with life. I've always been cautious about the people I let into my life. Maybe that's why I don't get too fucked up when people treat me like this. Because I expect nothing different. I don't think I'm any better but I've never tried to pretend I'm anything other than what I am.
I remember our first date. She promised me she'd never lie to me. People that say that exact phrase are 99% of the time habitual liars. I know people. Maybe that's why I can't connect with anyone. Because I can always predict almost the precise moment they are going to either lie to my face or fuck me over. They always do, they always will.
I hope that if you took the time to read this that you'll understand how important it is to be fat drunk and just plain fucking mean.
Fuck this I'm going back to the bar. I don't have to work till like 9:30.
But, am I doing to do anything about it? Fuck no. She knew I drank before we ever went out. This wasn't some shock that drove her over the edge. The edge being walking right in front of my booth in the window that I'm at every fucking night of my favorite bar and smiling at some random guy she was obviously with. I'm sure when I call her tomorrow and she'll tell me I was just drunk and seeing shit. And I won't do a fucking thing about it.I don't know if I truly care. The only thing I care about is stupid male pride. But that's just instinct at this point.
Keeping your distance isn't always apropiate. Especially with life. I've always been cautious about the people I let into my life. Maybe that's why I don't get too fucked up when people treat me like this. Because I expect nothing different. I don't think I'm any better but I've never tried to pretend I'm anything other than what I am.
I remember our first date. She promised me she'd never lie to me. People that say that exact phrase are 99% of the time habitual liars. I know people. Maybe that's why I can't connect with anyone. Because I can always predict almost the precise moment they are going to either lie to my face or fuck me over. They always do, they always will.
I hope that if you took the time to read this that you'll understand how important it is to be fat drunk and just plain fucking mean.
Fuck this I'm going back to the bar. I don't have to work till like 9:30.
linz:
hummina