allonblack

Some girls are bigger than others is what Morrissey told me. This compares with some days are better than others.

I live my life day in day out as a medicated bi-polar white male with big sideburns. 90% of the time, I'm fully productive, happy, resillient, funny, fun, stupid, smart, the whole package. It's that 10% where I'm incapable.

Oh how that kills. Today for the first time in years I pulled a no call no show. It's not really my style and I fully understand why I did it.

Some days my skin is thicker than others. Yesterday, I couldn't handle it. The thought of hearing my bosses voice or his wife's voice made me ill. Seriously.

My resume reads like that of a bi-polar individual. I've done some pretty amazing things representative of my abilities and potential. I've done some stupid slacker idiot type jobs too. It's all part of the big picture.

Now that I'm doing good work, the timeline would dictate it's time to back to the slackjaw's and dummy up. Not this time.

I'm so fucking capable, intuitive, smart, and knowledgable that it's just ridiculous. The only problem is that somedays I wake up and want nothing more than to remain in my dark room, playing sad sappy music, and staring at the walls. This is what I'm capable of those days.

The rest of the time, I'm fine. That's the rub that you get with Mr. Jay Williams. It's hard to find an employer that understands. My boss is smart enough that I gather he's figured out my affliction by now. I don't doubt it. I also doubt he gives half a shit and expects me to take a beating with a smile. That is also not my style.

M tee blah tele blah.

I know for my own health, I have to quit this job. But in turn, I need to pay rent, feed my dog, etc... What's a smart unstable guy like me to do?