Now Playing: Joy Division - Permanent
Currently Reading: lost boy lost girl - Peter Straub
So. When did it become a bad thing to be a good person? Last night in a drunken stupor I got rejected by girl for like 15 reasons. All just awful. Some of the worst I've ever heard. I got the entire laundry list of rejections to boot. I kept harrassing her to see if she'd squirm. AKA: was she telling the truth? And, here is the list as best I can remember it.
1: I just got out of a relationship (which was bullshit, she just got out of having a crush on someone she fucked once that stopped returning her calls)
2: I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now and I don't want to start anything. (again, bullshit because she told me that if that other guy had of been decent she'd have started a relationship with him)
3: Girls go for the assholes. (Congrats, you're fucking 17. I hope you meet the asshole of your dreams and love will abound
)
4: We were friends first and I don't know if I can get over that. (I was told this after we were making out, the making out that I stopped because I didn't want it to go any further seeing how drunk we were)
5: She said I was one of her best friends. Again, bullshit because I've known her for like 3 months and we've spent enough time together to get over being acquantinces and we're now maybe officially friends.
6: I really like you, I adore you, you're the perfect guy for me, but I can't be with someone right now. Maybe that one's true. But, it was a lot more convincing from the first girl I heard that from.
Life would be easier if people would just straight up hurt my fucking feelings. I don't care if you look like a bad guy. Being honest is not being a bad guy. Not everyone wants to watch fecal matter flow from your lips for the sake of letting me leave with a fake smile.
Now she keeps emailing me asking if I'm mad at her. How the fuck could you get mad at someone for stating a preference.
SCENARIO:::
:Ted: "I like cheese on crackers"
:Jay: "I don't"
:Ted: "Are you mad at me?"
:Jay: "Yes. You prefer something different than me, I am angry"
:Jay: proceeds to shake fists and light fires.
I guess I'm just so angry because this is the most viscious cycle that keeps happening over, and over, and over in my life. This is my lifes reoccurring theme. Why I can't be the guy that keeps getting rearended or the guy that always misses his airplanes?
I have to keep meeting these amazing people, fall for them, make out with them, get close to them, then be told no, you're not mean enough to me to date.
Not my words.
I don't know how to not have my heart on my sleeve. I don't know how to not have passion for anything I get my teeth sunk in to. I don't know how to not do my best at anything I try. If you love someone, don't make all these fucking rules for what you feel. Don't allow yourself to be let down because you've never allowed yourself to feel something other than lust turned comfort turned 3 months later something new.
If you aren't capable, don't let me sleep in your bed, kiss me, tell me how wonderful I am, then tell me to get over it so we can still be friends.
Currently Reading: lost boy lost girl - Peter Straub
So. When did it become a bad thing to be a good person? Last night in a drunken stupor I got rejected by girl for like 15 reasons. All just awful. Some of the worst I've ever heard. I got the entire laundry list of rejections to boot. I kept harrassing her to see if she'd squirm. AKA: was she telling the truth? And, here is the list as best I can remember it.
1: I just got out of a relationship (which was bullshit, she just got out of having a crush on someone she fucked once that stopped returning her calls)
2: I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now and I don't want to start anything. (again, bullshit because she told me that if that other guy had of been decent she'd have started a relationship with him)
3: Girls go for the assholes. (Congrats, you're fucking 17. I hope you meet the asshole of your dreams and love will abound
)
4: We were friends first and I don't know if I can get over that. (I was told this after we were making out, the making out that I stopped because I didn't want it to go any further seeing how drunk we were)
5: She said I was one of her best friends. Again, bullshit because I've known her for like 3 months and we've spent enough time together to get over being acquantinces and we're now maybe officially friends.
6: I really like you, I adore you, you're the perfect guy for me, but I can't be with someone right now. Maybe that one's true. But, it was a lot more convincing from the first girl I heard that from.
Life would be easier if people would just straight up hurt my fucking feelings. I don't care if you look like a bad guy. Being honest is not being a bad guy. Not everyone wants to watch fecal matter flow from your lips for the sake of letting me leave with a fake smile.
Now she keeps emailing me asking if I'm mad at her. How the fuck could you get mad at someone for stating a preference.
SCENARIO:::
:Ted: "I like cheese on crackers"
:Jay: "I don't"
:Ted: "Are you mad at me?"
:Jay: "Yes. You prefer something different than me, I am angry"
:Jay: proceeds to shake fists and light fires.
I guess I'm just so angry because this is the most viscious cycle that keeps happening over, and over, and over in my life. This is my lifes reoccurring theme. Why I can't be the guy that keeps getting rearended or the guy that always misses his airplanes?
I have to keep meeting these amazing people, fall for them, make out with them, get close to them, then be told no, you're not mean enough to me to date.
Not my words.
I don't know how to not have my heart on my sleeve. I don't know how to not have passion for anything I get my teeth sunk in to. I don't know how to not do my best at anything I try. If you love someone, don't make all these fucking rules for what you feel. Don't allow yourself to be let down because you've never allowed yourself to feel something other than lust turned comfort turned 3 months later something new.
If you aren't capable, don't let me sleep in your bed, kiss me, tell me how wonderful I am, then tell me to get over it so we can still be friends.
i hate the fucking game. damnit!