alkatraz

i Finally posted some fucking artwork of mine!! its under...Artwork...so it could be easily found o_O

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Listening to : Madonna - 'Justify My Love'



i want to kiss you in Paris,
i want to hold you in Rome,
I want to run naked in a rain storm,
Make love on a train,
cross country,
You put this in me,
So now what?
So now what?
Wanting, Needing, Waiting, For you.
To justify my love.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got all sassy on the phone with LuciaFurr and she hung up on me Damnits. #%&@!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



So................ there MIGHT be a problem.
Since i bled during sex the other nite... and today i still see some spots of blood after i wipe a little..... there MIGHT be a problem.... heres my sexual history:

Kyle (rape) - July 17th, 2003
Drew - January 28th, 2005
Jamison - January 28th, 2005
Kyle (a different kyle) - Febuary 7th, 2005 (first time i bled looked like a crime scene....)
Jason - Febuary 13th, 2005 (second time i bled.. alot still.. enuff to stain the mattress)
Travis - March 14th, 2005
Travis - March 16th 2005 (third time i bled, as much as before, but a few tablespoons)

and with all of the times i bled... there was a little blood still a few days after.. not like ALOT of bleeding.. like it was on my panties and when i wiped.


eh...well apparently there are several things that may be wrong.


1. an STD (i dont have one!!! so thats not the case)
2. Larger penis, too big for me to handle possibly. causing a cervical tear
3. Constant thrusting from very hard sex- and the penis hitting hard against somthing causing a wound to form
4. a syst (sp?)
5. Cervical dysplasia (its precancerous changes of the epithelial cells that line the cervix)
6. Vaginitis or Cervicitis: Inflammation or swelling and infection of the vagina or cervix. Treatment depends on the cause
7. Cervical or Uterine polyps
8. Endometritis or adenomyosis
9. Fibroid tumors


So thats fantastic. i'm HOPING its just from the hard sex.
I feel ill thinking about this.

thanks for the support to Rahepsi and his girlfriend. (i can find the balls to pierce my body but i;m scared to go to the doctor or on a fucking rollercoaster.)

i dont want to go to a doctor and then my mom find out how permiscuous i have been.. she found out i had sex once when she found blood on a pierce of clothing because of Jason, and the look on her face was heartbreaking..


IF ANYONE HAS ANY INFORMATION OR ADVICE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW. HELP ME.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

somone cheer me up...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today my day off was wasted.. like.. a bunch of people were supposed to call me to do somthing.. guess how many of those people called me.. NONE. what the fuck.
but what pisses me off the most is.... my step dad threatened to take away my car so wherever i was gonna go to hang out i would have to walk there.. because apparently i dont care about his or my moms feelings and i do whatever i want.. and i do nothing around the house blah blah.. so i needed to clean my room or the car was gone. so i fucking cleaned it... and it room like 3 fucking hours!!!! FOR NOTHING!!! POR NADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(see yet another reason i should get the Por Nada (for nothing) tattoo) for me to sit here on my ass all nite.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I got this LOVELY e-mail today from PuckHeadli:

"First of all Fuck you! I offer you friendship and you offer me grief.

You are to take me off your suicide girls site and to never contact me again. If I ever find my name or picture on your suicide girl files I will contact the owner of the website and shut you down.

You are a two faced back stabbing worthless hole. I hope you slide underneath a gas truck and die after you contract herpes from one of your many fuck buddies."


THATS FUCKING FANTASTIC! for the record, i have no idea where all this hostility sprang from. its just strange that i havnt talked to him in a while and then he hangs out with LuciaFurr and i get this email.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm POSSIBLY going to hang out with Drew tomarrow (technically tonite cuz its 5am) night at like 10pm. yay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WHOA CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK.. i remember in fricken.. elementry school there was a rumor going around that if you hit the CAPS LOCK button on the computer... it would blow the computer up. and everyone was scared! lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~











so. Who wants to come to Iowa to be with a cute emo chick, cuz i'm lonely and need some love... and cuddles..?