alkatraz

Tonight was a COMPLETE waste of make-up!!! the party i wanted to go to fell threw.. so my friends invited me to one that i wasnt invited to..... 9 smirnoffs later, im making out with a good friend of mine... hes always around yelling somthing about "botox infections for EVERYONE" and making weird faces.. the guy i wanted to kiss wouldnt kiss me cuz i kissed my friend... then on the ride home me and my friend got into a HUGH fight!! and now im not going to call him anymore..... christ on a cracker im lonely... i just want to know i HAVE somne there to kiss and that will hold me.. so i dont feel so alnoe.. even if they pretend.. i dont want to be this fat, ugly loser anymore!!!! ugh i feel like either crying or barfing atleast it wasnt like last year... i drank til i passed out because i guy i knew promised he'd come be with me.. but he kept making excuses over the phone to me that he couldnt.. and i say on the floor with my bottle of vodka crying because he wasnt there.. and my makup was smeared down my face...... and i didnt know what to do with myself so i kept crying and crying and drinking the pain away.....

i need help.. a friend.. anyone