alistairmather

out of my head today... caught somewhere between the belief that i am of the doaine sidhe, the prophet who comes after the Beast, and the cheshire cat... hoping at somepoint i remember who i am long enough to put me back together. names have power, all the old stories and tales agree, but i don't think i have ever really known my name... the one they gave me at birth has never fit, he's just a shadow of what the people around him want. Mather is a powerful name, old and with connotations, but he is just a fiction, an ideal that i can't really be despite my efforts. Quis is me, the part of me i don't like and that doesn't like me, but he is competent and capable and very very cold. then their is Jak who is really a bit of a joke and sometimes not all there... perhaps he is the closest to what i really am.
they say that when you die you need to give your true name, the one you know is you and defines you. you need to give it so it can be weighed against a feather or looked up in the book or so that you have something to come back to when the wheel brings you back... but i don't think i have one... i think i lost it or sold it, or gave it away. i wonder what will become of me when i die then? or will i not die because i have nothing to get me there?
why do they all go away? and why do they all come back? couldn't they just leave me to fade away, to the place you go when no one recalls who you were.