alistairmather

I haven't slept in a week.

Its the dreams mostly, but thats a lie. I can cope with the dreams.

Dreams of tranvestite corporate warlords in a future that will never be. A place that stinks of hot oil and rusting metal and where everything is composed of wires and scrap. A city that rests on a giants back, slowly moving over the land. Vampire cars that stalk the night and unwary pedestrians. Giant rodent rabbit creatures that hunt and feast upon everything smaller. A man in a white suit whos face is always obscured, but you can tell he is smiling at you as he offfers you everything you want at a price you will always underestimate. The wandering jew wired to an engine that powers a whole city from the built up potential energy of a constantly moving figure at rest. A society dominated by dragons that are not what they seem. The doaine sidhe, not as whimsical tales would have them, but as multidimensional beings of obscure ideologies and whos rules are enforced not through belief but by the strange way their dimensionality interacts with ours. A dead man who keeps rebuilding himself from the parts of decaying cities. A living factory that churns out viral pieces of itself to infect the world around it. Corporate magicians building spells to sell products. Billionaires who fund hidden enclaves to provide them with the fountain of youth and the philosophers stone. A society that forgets its past every night but not its skills or talents. Hunter Cartwright and Stacia Brennar. Idle and L.E.G.I.O.N. The Question and his servants the Hand and the Eye. Things beyond my ability to cope with but that stalk me from the patterns glimpsed in the way the lines of everyday objects intersect. A house who's dimensions are not right that sits in amid the bones of metal monsters and behind which a carnival ride rises, both can tell me all the things I want to know, but the cost of such knowledge...

I have woken up every night to these things, after but an hour or two. I wake up with ragged breath and pounding heart to the fading memories of things that never were. They have even begun to infect my waking moments. I blink and I catch images of the things from the previous nights outlined against the dark behind my eyes. I see quick snatches of them from the corner of my eyes when I turn. My nightmares are starting to plague my days.

I can wake up to these things and it would be okay. I could go through my day with them and cope, its not the first time after all. But thats not what that keeps me from drifitng off at night. Its the new problem.

I wake up and I can smell her soft scent. I can feel the warm press of her beside me. I roll over to pull her close, to comfort myself with her presence and

I wake up further and remember she is gone, the memory of her fading slower then the images that haunt my slumber.

Its been over a year since we broke up. For the last month I have awoken from every nightmare to the memory of her.

Every night.

I want out. I need help. I can't escape her, and I fear soon I won't be able to escape myself either.