I was just lying in the bath and a question popped into my head. If Ray lived nearby, what would I do? Well, what wouldn’t I do. Ray lives three hundred and twenty miles away, unfortunately. I know this because I looked him up on the electoral register. It’s right there, it’s not a crime. I opened up google street view to have a look. That’s normal though. If I know you and I know your address I’ve most likely looked you up on google street view. It’s just fun isn’t it. I’m like Oh that’s where you are and I feel like I know you better. I’m not being a creep. I wouldn’t mind if you did it to me. It’s what street view is for isn't it. Although if you look my address up it takes you to the grotty block of flats behind my much nicer flats. I don’t want people thinking I live there.
It’s a huge modern house. It’s beautiful but a bit tacky, not really to my taste. If I was well off and had a big family I’d but a nice rustic old parsonage of something. My dream home would be a cosy cottage with squirrels in the trees and a pet donkey that sticks its head through the kitchen window for apples and carrots.
He put his house up for sale recently. His kids are mostly grown up now, only one is still at school and at least two of them have moved out. So he’ll be wanting to downsize to something a bit easier to maintain.
There was an article online from a newspaper about his house and it had PHOTOGRAPHS of all the rooms inside. My lucky day or what? Absolute jackpot moment. I know what the inside of his house looks like. I have seen Ray’s bedroom. I have seen Ray’s bed. There was an interview with the interior designer who decorated the place. She obviously was minding her P’s and Q’s and being as vague as possible as all she said, ‘Oh yes they were lovely people,’ about three times and absolutely nothing else. I suppose that’s very professional of her.
Ray’s house is all oak floorboards and comfy settees. It's all open plan downstairs which I would find creepy at night, and also drafty. I was more interested in all the family photos that seemed to be absolutely everywhere. I tried to zoom in on them NCIS style but I couldn’t make out anything but blobs which was very frustrating. I want to be loved like that.
His bedroom was gorgeous. Bright and airy with a creamy yellow carpet. Big four poster bed, but not a naff princessy one. It managed to be classy. Lots of books round the place. And dvds. I know Ray loves to go to the cinema.
I’m not going to turn up on his doorstep or anything. I’m not a maniac. He lives in a different country.
If he lived in Pingley though. If he lived in Pingley I’m not sure what would happen.