I've been knitting today. I made a hat for my best friend. It took me absolutely ages to find the right wool and then another couple of false starts to get the right pattern. Normally I'm a crocheter but I couldn't find a pattern I liked so I found a knitted one I liked. I'm not nearly as good at knitting as I am at crochet but I got there in the end. He specified he wanted a pompom on it and I still have to make that, but I've started on a matching scarf. It's nice when people I love ask me to make them something and even nicer when they wear it. I put love in every stitch which is something you can't buy in the shops.
I met Luke in Aberdeen. We worked together very briefly. We didn't even work together, just in the same office doing completely different jobs. He was doing IT in the hospital and I was training to be a psychologist. I had not long started my masters degree which involved working as a psychologist's assistant at the same hospital Luke was working at. Psychologist's assistant often meant picking up the slack when the doctor didn't have time. I would go out into the community and help people with phobias doing graded exposure and other practical things the mental health team couldn't really stretch to.
Because I was only twenty two, my first day at the hospital I was determined to make a good impression. I read somewhere that in the workplace women want to be liked and men want to be respected. I think that's pretty accurate, especially when you're young. I made a batch of chocolate and black cherry muffins the night before to hand round to the staff and introduce myself. Kind of puke inducing, but it actually meant I got to say hello to everyone and do a little networking, much as I despise the idea of networking.
I laid a muffin on Luke's desk as I went past and said hello and told him my name and asked him what he did. He said something I didn't really understand about computers so I nodded and smiled. I pointed at the muffin and said, 'well there's something from the new girl to butter you up,' and headed off to suck up to the next person.
Next day I walked past his desk and noticed the muffin still sitting there. It would be going a bit stale by now. 'Oh, don't you like muffins?' I said, a little crestfallen.
'Oh, no, it's not that,' he said, swiping it off his desk and into a drawer out of sight. 'It's just... well, I'm actually a type 1 diabetic,' he admitted.
My hand flew up over my mouth. 'Oh I'm sorry! Here's me shoving sugar right under you nose and you're not allowed to eat it.'
He assured me it was totally fine and he had a little chocolate every now and again when his sugar was low. It played on my mind though and on my way out of the hospital to visit and client I stopped by the canteen and bought a bag salt and vinegar crisps and put them in my bag.
That day I went into town and saw a woman whose fear of worms had grown so bad it was affecting her daily life. I had to dig up a worm and put it in a jar so we could look at it together from a safe distance. She cried and I felt awful.
Next day I was in the office at lunchtime. Luke was sipping coffee at his desk and I went over and slid the packet of crisps in front of him. 'Uh, these are for you,' I said.
He furrowed his brow. 'What for?' he asked.
'Well, I felt really bad the other day when everyone got a muffin and poor Luke just had to sit and watch everyone scoffing. I wanted you to have a treat too, so I got you some crisps.' I felt daft as I was saying the words.
He broke into a bashful smile. 'You really didn't have to do that,' he said, picking up the bag. 'Salt and vinegar, you even got my favourite flavour!' His smile got even wider. He pulled the bag open and took a crisp out and ate it. 'Ahh so good,' he sighed.
'Yeah I knew salt and vinegar would be your favourite flavour,' I said.
'How do you mean? he asked.
'Well, you fit the demographic. You're what, ' I squinted at him, '6'1'' tall.''
'6'2'' ' he corrected me.
'Right,' I went on. 'You're from the north of England. Manchester area I'm guessing?'
'Manchester, yeah.' he said.
'And you have a degree in computery stuff.'
'Computer science, to be technical,' he corrected me. 'But what's all that got to do with my favourite crisp flavour?' he asked, looking perplexed.
'Oh, it's psychology,' I told him, airily. 'You can tell so much about a person just from a few pieces of information about them. You'd be amazed.'
'Seriously?' he said, amazed.
I fell to the side laughing. 'No, you berk! I didn't think you'd want to smell of cheese and onion all afternoon and the only other flavour they had was chicken, and nobody likes chicken flavour crisps.' I giggled helplessly at how easily I had fooled him.
'Oh God,' he said. 'I can't believe I fell for that. I'm actually ashamed,' he said, looking embarrassed.
I patted his arm and stood up. 'You stick to the manly typing,' I told him.
'Manly typing?' he laughed.
'Yeah, that's what you do all day isn't it?' I said.
He pursed his lips for a minute and said, 'Yeah, I suppose it is.'
Later that afternoon I was standing at the bus stop waiting for my bus home. Luke's little dark blue car puttered to a stop in front of me. He rolled down the window. 'Hey, what are you doing?' he asked.
'I'm waiting for the bus. Did you think I was up to something else?' I said.
He grinned at me. 'Do you want to go to the pictures?'
I paused for half a second. 'Yeah. I do.'
He popped the passenger side door open for me and I hopped in. We took off away from the hospital and once I was sure the car windows were all closed and they couldn't hear me I shouted, 'Later, bitches!' to the rest of the people waiting for the bus.
'So, how long have you been in Aberdeen?' I asked him.
'Not much longer than you,' he said. I graduated earlier this year, applied everywhere and this is the first place that took me. I've been working here five weeks.'
'Right, so you're still a bit of a noob,' I said.
'Yeah, finding my feet.'
'What do you think of Aberdeen?' I asked.
'It seems alright. I love being near the beach. I grew up in a city, but the countryside and the moors were never far away. That was nice, but there's nothing better than going for a paddle,' he said, enthusiastically.
I couldn't help but laugh at this. 'That's adorable! I grew up out in the sticks so Aberdeen is like Las Vegas to me.'
He did an actual bark of laughter at this.
'Watch you driving,' I told him.
We were the only people in the cinema. That is how I remember it anyway. There might have been one or two other people I couldn't see in the dark or my memory has erased for convenience. We sat together right in the middle. I felt light and giggly. He smelled of deodorant and a sort of pencil shavings smell. He had short black hair and a short black beard. He looked asian but he had an irish surname. Maybe he had an indian mum and irish dad. Lots of irish and indian folk in Manchester.
We talked and talked as we ignored the trailers. He told me he was blown away by how kind a gesture it was that I went out of my way to buy him those crisps so he'd feel included.
'It was only a bag of crisps, Luke.'
'Yeah. but when did someone last randomly just buy you a bag of crisps?' he asked. I gave it some thought and couldn't think of a time it had happened. Maybe in the pub with friends.
'Yeah, but it's still just a bag of crisps. You're easily impressed,' I told him.
Hah, yeah probably,' he admitted.
We went to see Never Let Me Go. I was excited because I had read the book and loved it. I'm not a fan of sci fi but I love darkness and a good dystopia. The film wasn't nearly as good and I didn't really enjoy it. Keira bloody Knightley. I came out disappointed. Luke was quite underwhelmed by it as well. I felt stupid because I insisted we see it, assuring him he'd love it.
'Why don't we get something to eat?' he suggested.
I was happy to go along with this. I was starving and I felt relaxed and safe in his company. He was tall and stocky and it was like having a bear protect me. We went into a generic kebab shop, the type of place that does pasta, pizza, burgers and kebabs. We picked the right place because the food was fantastic and we made a mental note to come back here.
'Uh, I don't like far from here,' he said. 'We could take it back to mine and eat it there.'
There's always that moment of hesitation for a woman when she weighs up the pros and cons of going to a guys house when she doesn't know him well, even if she does know him well. Will I end up raped or murdered? I took no time deciding. I instantly trusted Luke. We had clicked. We got in the car and drove the few minutes to his small flat.
He looked a bit embarrassed. 'It's just temporary, like I said, I've only been here a few weeks.' The place was pokey and slightly grim, but I'd gone from a poor childhood to various student accommodations and this place was totally what I was used to seeing and he visibly relaxed when I told him so.
We ate our food and kicked off our shoes and groaned from having full bellies. I was happy there with him. He seemed happy too. We chatted about the music we liked for a while and then he went to make us some tea. I took my clothes off when he was in the kitchen. That's what he found when he came back through.
It was a brazen move but it felt right. I don't normally stay the night with men I have only just met, but sometimes the stars align and they did that night. That was ten years ago and today I took great care over knitting him a hat he asked me to make him for christmas.
But you know me.
Yes I knit him a hat that he asked for today.
But that was not how we met at all.