~Zing, Mom, Zing.~
So my father (whom I dont speak to because he's an ass), calls my mother (who doesnt speak to him because he's an ass). Here is the convo:
Mom: Hello?
Dad: Hi Sarah...
Mom: *sigh* Hello Sal.
Dad: Yeah, its a joy to talk to you too. How is our daughter?
Mom: OUR daughter? Nice of you to check up on her without emailing her and telling her she's a failure because she's not married to some Italian east coast prick. (ZING MOM!)
Dad: Scarpela. (It amazes me that my mother still does not know a word of Italian after all these years. It essintially means "Fuck You")
Mom: Oh Sal, I dont know if they told you when you got off the boat years and years ago, but this is America, and we speak English here. (Damn Mom. Please remember I speak Italian too!
)
Dad: Is she still with that Ben guy?
Mom: Yeah... she married him in October, remember? Oh thats right.. you werent there because she didnt invite you. (DOUBLE ZING MOM! HUZZAH!)
Dad: Oh he's so great. He let's her model nude. (DOH! I hate how my Dad finds things out and tells my fucking Mom. You bastard.)
Mom: *silence and rage building* No, she doesn't. So why did you call again? (Gotta love Mom's denial that Im anything but an angel.)
Dad: Did she get married in a church? (He really knows how to piss my mom off since shes a devout Christian, hes a roman catholic, and Im an atheist)
Mom: No...
Dad: *insert rude laugh here*
Dad: Seriously though, has she gained any weight?
Mom: It never ceases to amaze me how much you know about her when you dont pay any attention to her. *sigh* Yes, she has. She's doing better.
Dad: I wonder why she never calls me...
Mom: Because you're a domineering, rude, evil, asshole who needs to be whacked? *insert the random muttering of the word "wop" here* (Cmon now Mom, we've had talks about this fucking word.)
Dad: Fundidgatza! (I know I didnt spell this right, and I wont bother translating it.. its just fucking rude and I use it fairly often).
Mom: They didnt give you your country instructions .. oh thats right.. they never gave you papers at all....
Insert the phone clicking as one of the hangs up here
It amazes me that they stayed in the same room long enough to concieve me, and then to argue over my name... (my dad still calls me what HE wanted to name me)
So my father (whom I dont speak to because he's an ass), calls my mother (who doesnt speak to him because he's an ass). Here is the convo:
Mom: Hello?
Dad: Hi Sarah...
Mom: *sigh* Hello Sal.
Dad: Yeah, its a joy to talk to you too. How is our daughter?
Mom: OUR daughter? Nice of you to check up on her without emailing her and telling her she's a failure because she's not married to some Italian east coast prick. (ZING MOM!)
Dad: Scarpela. (It amazes me that my mother still does not know a word of Italian after all these years. It essintially means "Fuck You")
Mom: Oh Sal, I dont know if they told you when you got off the boat years and years ago, but this is America, and we speak English here. (Damn Mom. Please remember I speak Italian too!
)
Dad: Is she still with that Ben guy?
Mom: Yeah... she married him in October, remember? Oh thats right.. you werent there because she didnt invite you. (DOUBLE ZING MOM! HUZZAH!)
Dad: Oh he's so great. He let's her model nude. (DOH! I hate how my Dad finds things out and tells my fucking Mom. You bastard.)
Mom: *silence and rage building* No, she doesn't. So why did you call again? (Gotta love Mom's denial that Im anything but an angel.)
Dad: Did she get married in a church? (He really knows how to piss my mom off since shes a devout Christian, hes a roman catholic, and Im an atheist)
Mom: No...
Dad: *insert rude laugh here*
Dad: Seriously though, has she gained any weight?
Mom: It never ceases to amaze me how much you know about her when you dont pay any attention to her. *sigh* Yes, she has. She's doing better.
Dad: I wonder why she never calls me...
Mom: Because you're a domineering, rude, evil, asshole who needs to be whacked? *insert the random muttering of the word "wop" here* (Cmon now Mom, we've had talks about this fucking word.)
Dad: Fundidgatza! (I know I didnt spell this right, and I wont bother translating it.. its just fucking rude and I use it fairly often).
Mom: They didnt give you your country instructions .. oh thats right.. they never gave you papers at all....
Insert the phone clicking as one of the hangs up here
It amazes me that they stayed in the same room long enough to concieve me, and then to argue over my name... (my dad still calls me what HE wanted to name me)
VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
switchcomb:
thats very odd for your father to call you a different name 
digitusboy:
