alicee

I'm the type of person who normally keeps everything locked up inside my head. My feelings, my thoughts, my needs and my wants I keep to myself. People think I'm shy when I first meet them but really I'm not shy at all. I have to warm up to people, make sure they're worth my time before I decide to get to know them. I find it hard to let people in and utterly horrible when someone I have let in lets me down. I guess in some ways I hold the way I treat people in such high regards that when someone doesn't treat me fairly or equally I become internally disheartened by their actions. My life...is hectic to say the least and ever since my x-boyfriend and I broke up last April I have had terrible luck with men and friends in general. I decided a long time ago that anyone who does not make an effort to be in my life, when I make an effort to be in theirs, is not worth my time. And those people who have not been there for me, big or small cases, I have completely shut out of my life. This might seem cold but I have gained better friends and am happy without the old ones, even though I often think of some of them. A few months ago I let someone very special into my life, someone who I had been best friends with for months prior. This person broke down my huge wall and made me fall like a bag of bricks for them. I'm sure you can guess how badly that ended. I recently am left feeling empty and anxious at the end of the day wondering if this person thinks of me, if they know how sad and hurt I am and if they are hurting to. In the end we all just want to be loved and this person was unable to give me what I was looking for. Not talking to them has given me a lot of time to think about my life and myself as a person. I have realized that I have a lot of things to learn about myself and am trying to take this time to do just that.


time to be selfish. time to do me.