alice

my new kitty's name is ophelia. if you know where that name comes from, you rock my casbah.... she is getting a little better. she still hides a lot, but she plays with me now, and she'll come out on her own sometimes. but she is still not getting along with aeon and flux.

i got a call from my apartment manager saying that my apartment isn't clean enough, and she will give me until friday night to come back and better clean the bathroom and kitchen, or $200 will be deducted from my deposit. that's cool of her to let me know rather than just take it out, but it kind of bothers me. the apartment wasn't all that clean when i moved in. it's cleaner now than when i first got there. the girl left gross old nail files, an empty box of tampons, a yucky sponge, and there were big muddy foot prints on the kitchen floor.....

i swear that if i have to make one more phone call giving lovely people that bill me my new mailing address or call to bitch out someone stupid (my fucking car insurance people, the parking people, for instance), i am going to throw some mother fucking shoes!

i ventured to melrose today, a brief retail job hunting adventure. retail jobs are just shitty, not matter what. i then realized that it would just be a better idea to call places to see if they are hiring rather than drive around los angeles, park the car, and go into every place asking them if they need a girl with bright red hair and big boots to do some mundane task for barely enough money to fill my gas tank.

unpacking is going slowly. it's just too fucking hot in here. but it makes me depressed to see all my shit in boxes and bags blocking the fridge and the shower and the entrance.

my sister is flying in from new york this weekend. we're going up to santa barbara on sunday. she got mad at me yesterday on the phone. i hate it when people (particulary family members) get pissed at me before i even have a chance to get a word in, and then continue to yell at me when i try to explain or justify something. i know what i need to do, but i've also had a lot of other shit to do. and if i never have to hear "if you want to be treated like an adult, you need to start acting like and adult" again, i can die a happy girl. i never said i wanted to be an adult. hell, if i had it my way, i'd still be 5 years old. but since i'm not, i also don't want to be treated like i'm 5, and i expect that people can understand that i can make my own decisions, and that this is my own personal journey. i don't have it all figured out yet, i don't know that i ever will. but when i never originally asked for their help to begin with, how can they get so mad at me? is it asking too much that if i have to work retail getting paid minimum wage that i at least can be working somewhere that i like? is is not okay that i haven't started working on something fabulous yet for calarts when the deadline is in january? can people over 35 really not remember what it's like to be 20? must i be so responsible? i don't have all the answers, i never said i did. i'm just trying to figure who i am exactly, and what i will be doing with the rest of my life. i only have so much time to be a kid. i have the rest of my life to have a million more responsibilites and be a stupid adult......