alice

hmmm..... i love obsessive people. they're the best. i use the word "stalker" loosely, definitely not in the real sense. but if you have the driving need to click through incredibly old and stale journal entries from 6+ months ago, i'd say that at the very least, that's a tad psychotic. and to sign up here just to say some stupid shit that i can so easily shrug off my shoulders, knowing that you would probably get booted off; yeah, that's slightly psychotic, for lack of a better word, too.

if you were under the impression that i actually give a shit about what you or most anyone else thinks, you are sadly mistaken. i may be one of few girls who didn't do this to feel better about themselves. appraisal from other people doesn't really mean anything to me. it's just something fun to do. if you want to think otherwise, suit yourself. i don't care.

reasons for just labeling you psychotic? not the best choice of words, and i do apologize for that, but i couldn't think of a better word. maybe my little brain just doesn't have a great vocabulary. i knew a girl exactly like you. i told you about her once to see what your reaction would be. needless to say, i wasn't friends with this girl for very long. she made me feel too needed, and that scared me. she was constantly trying to manipulate me. and like you, she always said that i should be straight up with her and tell her if there was ever a problem. i admit, i was afraid of this girl, much like how i was afraid of you. i was too scared to say anything. i can handle telling most people if there is a problem, but not this girl, or you.

most of our conversations revolved around your problems. i am not a therapist. it's not about being a good person or a bad person. you just have problems. we all have problems. i just can't tend to or fix your problems like you need someone to.

you remember that wrist band you wore last time i saw you? that was the last sign that i needed to see. it's an incredibly desperate cry for attention and help; something that i was not going to be able to give as much as you needed. after halloween, about 3 weeks after i met you, i could already tell that you had potential to be like that other girl. but i let it slide, thinking maybe i was wrong. and then shortly after that, a couple other signs were very strong. you scared me away.

yeah, i pussied out, and i'm sorry that i'm such a pussy. say whatever the hell you want if it makes you feel better. i hope something does.

you should know how hard it is to be friends with girls. i can see it on both our ends. you think calling me a bitch is going to hurt me? i tell most people straight up that i'm a bitch. your words are pretty empty, but if an explanation is what you're dying for, so be it.

i never once sat here and seriously thought that you were ever "lusting" after me. i may have said it jokingly like i do about most things, but i certainly did not really think that.

honey, i'm not the only one who should think twice about their social skills. after all, you were the one who said that how i handled you is how most people you met did too.

i'm actually surprised that it took you so long to get here. i told you about the site over a year ago. i thought you would have found your way here a long time ago.

obviously, m, i'm not the only one who has growing up to do.

oh, and by the way, i have another copy of alice in wonderland from my childhood. so do whatever the fuck you want to do with the one you have.