I suppose I'll list the 'chapters' here
I: Intro
II: Piss in a can
III: Detours through fruit
IV: No place to sleep from golfing
V: A historical building and a carpeted mall
VI: Music I heart
VII: Beaten and molested
VIII: Toaster on wheels
IX: Strange encounters of the pathological kind
X: Mealtime in what could be considered Chuck-E-Cheese for adults
XI: Home at last
CHAPTER ONE:
I suppose I'll start this wonderful story from the very beginning... which is where most stories begin. For about a week Grace, Justin, and I were anticipating a trip to Providence to see Stealing Jane and Badfish (Sublime cover band). It was a lovely Tuesday afternoon when my phone began to ring. Justin was on the line... and as it turns out he decided to quit his job telemarketing after being informed that he now had a new job in order. Around midnight that night we had made plans to leave for Long Island with Grace to meet up with Bunce of Stealing Jane. However with this delightful news we chose to start the trip to Providence at around 6pm.
CHAPTER TWO:
At the last Stealing Jane show Justin found that he was in dire need of a urinal and found that a can of Jolt would make a suitable substitute. One joke lead to another and Grace suggested perhaps we should prank someone one day. Justin and I had some time to kill before picking Grace so we stopped at the gas station and picked up a few cans for the road. Justin quickly chugged one and attempted to 'fill' it. Apparently he was low on the liquids, so it was only about a quarter full. We stopped at Grace's house to retrieve her. Justin and I pondered for a moment how to put this little prank into action. When she got in the car I told her to try it out, they had a new flavor and I thought it tasted like pineapple but Justin thought it was more along the lines of blueberry. She protested for a moment at the realization that it was warm. She got the can almost up to her mouth when I blurted out, "Grace don't you dare drink that." (As it turns out I do kinda have a soul) She instantly recalled her suggestion... and was mortified that she almost drank Justin's piss. Now that we were fully entertained we began our trip.
CHAPTER THREE:
The majority of the trip was smooth until we got to Jersey City. A missed exit somewhere along the line gave us a quick detour through NYC. Grace was completely amazed... it was her first venture through the wild jungle that is 'The Big Apple'. We called on Bunce for directional assistance. We were in NYC long enough to see the sunset.... which was completely breathtaking.
CHAPTER FOUR:
We finally made it to Long Island and met up with Bunce around 9. We immediately started driving around looking for a hotel to stay at for the night. As our luck would have it, there was a golf tournament approaching and the Holiday Inn was booked... and was the Residence... and the Sheraton. Every hotel we tried was completely packed. We saw an Econolodge and I went in to see if they had a room open. The man at the desk sighed and told me they were booked. As he reached for the No Vacancy sign, some douche bag golf fiend thought it would be humoring to approach me. "Hey baby, if you... uhhh... service me, I'll share my room with you." I paused, looked him up and down, and rattled off every flaw I was able to note in 3 seconds. "You've got a pedicure, your sandals are hideous, your hair looks as though you spent more time on it today than I have on mine in the last month, you reek of bad cologne and a port-a-potty, and you’re ugly. And you called me baby... I don't think so." After I was done he looked as though he might cry. I stormed out and got in the car. I called Bunce and told him to lead us to the nearest diner... we'd get some food and then just go to Rhode Island.
CHAPTER FIVE:
After endless hours of driving we finally made it to Providence. We drove around the city for a long while looking for a hotel. We only found three, and they were all really nice. I picked one called the Biltmore. It was large, and old, and had big lights across the top of the building spelling out the name for the whole city to see. We got to our rooms sometime around 4am. The next morning we got up and walked around. We'd barely made it around the block before ended up in the mall. It was gigantic, and ritzy, and carpeted, and it had a wonderful food court. After nearly 5 hours in the mall we left. I'm not even sure how much money I blew... but it was a lot.
CHAPTER SIX:
Grace and I got all sexied up for the show and walked down to the venue, Lupo's. We stood outside for awhile to bullshit, socialize, and consume large amounts of free samples from Dunkin Donuts. The free samples were green in color and caffeinated in composition... and somehow managed to turn Justin's tongue/mouth area orange. A bum came up to us to ask us for money.. He got a few bucks out of us... and called Justin's hair yellow (when it is clearly hot pink). We got tired of standing outside and went in to see the show. Lupo's has to be the most striking venue I've ever seen. The whole set up was beautiful. The first two bands were good. Stealing Jane came on third. Grace got two local guys to let us stand in front of them so we could get as close as possible to the stage. A small pit broke out by Justin during their set. Scotty Don't followed them. I think I was one of the only people in the crowd who was familiar with their original stuff. (Scotty Don't and Badfish are the same guys) After they played their songs they took a short break and started in on Sublime. Not long into Badfish the moshing started.... and as always... I was right there. I was having a great time. I fell a few times. Wooden floors get slippery pretty quickly, especially when drunken people are spilling their beers. I realize I'm small, and that I'm usually the only girl who willingly moshed, and that catching elbows to the eye is to be expected. Violence in the pit I'm fine with. I'm also used to the guys who think they're helping me by pulling me out... but Lupo's really takes the cake on crazy moshing.
CHAPTER SEVEN:
So there I am, arms tucked up to my ribs, elbows flying, and adrenaline rushing. I'm on my second shirt... my first one nearly got ripped off so I had to run to Grace to get her second tank. I'm back in the pit bouncing around for awhile, I forced my way back in every time someone pulled me out, and plowed over every guy that tried to grab my ass or tits. Some random guy pulled me out and tried to kiss me, some crazy girl told me she was in love with me and I'm her soul mate, and some horny retard pushed me up against a wall of people and tried to hump me. When I pushed him off of me I caught a fist to the temple. Dizzy and disoriented I left the pit to locate Grace and water. When I found her I was completely exhausted. I had to keep rolling my shirt up to cool down. Bunce poured water one me and then went to get my and Justin water. I stayed out for awhile… but inevitably ended up back in the mosh pit. I saw three fits break out. One was between two girls. The other two were between guys. Two of the guys who were fighting were swinging relatively close to my face an, wouldn’t you know it, they both hit me. To which my response was to pummel them until security came and I made my way through the crowd. Every time it started cooling down some girl would get in the middle and started grinding the air waiting for some guy to rub his groin on her. One girl who was wearing a skirt got in the middle and two guys came at her at the same time…her response was to hike her skirt up. Caress Me Down came on and I was just moving my hips to the music. Some guy came up behind me and we danced for a bit. Date Rape started up and he kept trying grind, so I pulled away from him and plunged myself into the pit. After Miami I went to find Grace and Justin. We hung out for awhile, even after the show was over and then started walking around.
CHAPTER EIGHT:
We wandered the streets for awhile, unable to find anywhere to eat. We ventured towards 7 Eleven and stumbled upon a small aluminum diner on wheels. After ordering two hotdogs, a chili dogs, and an order of cheese fries Grace and I went to sit by a statue and Chow. Justin returned from picking up a drink in time for what could be considered the strangest part of the trip.
CHAPTER NINE:
Some kid asked us if he could sit by us. He was sweating profusely and looked scared. He started telling us about how his girl was trying to kiss some other guy, and two kids wanted to beat him up, and he was twenty minutes away from his home with no way to get back. He said he’d been hurt pretty severely in a car accident about a year ago. He lost the ability to use his right arm and showed us a crazy scar on his head where he had metal plating. I asked Justin what he thought about maybe giving him a ride to his house. Justin shrugged and left to get the car from the valet. While he was gone to two guys who he said wanted to beat him up can over. They acted really sympathetic, but there were defiantly undertones of violence. Justin finally came with the car. None of us know our way around Providence… and apparently neither did this kid. I ended up looking up MapQuest on my phone to get directions. I felt bad for the kid… but his stories got old… quick. I blew it off when he tried to tell me that his middle name was Emo, but when he started saying that he drove a Lamborghini and that it was too fast to drive in Massachusetts. We finally got him to his house and returned to the hotel to spend our last night in the world’s highest beds.
CHAPTER TEN:
We checked out of the hotel at 11. It wasn’t long after that Justin asked what state we wanted to have lunch in. After awhile of trying to think of somewhere fun; I recalled going to visit NYC with my dad last summer and eating at Jekyll and Hyde. The restaurant is a lot of fun, actors come up a talk to you, there’s lot of creepy stuff everywhere, and five or ten minutes skits. We had a conversation with one actor about how everything was her nightmare… I offered to help her out by letting her cut my head off. Another actor came up to us and tried to give Grace my dessert… to which I told him that she only eats babies. After dinner we walked through part of Central Park and rode in one of the bicycle carts to time square so we could visit Virgin. About fifteen blocks later we were back at the parking garage waiting for the car. It took about an hour to get out of NYC.
CHAPTER ELEVEN:
The ride home wasn’t too bad. Justin did and illegal U-Turn on the highway through grass. Plans we’d attempted to make with Corey to drink fell through. He dropped Grace off and then went to get gas…. Where he ran into the metal barrier before the pump and fucked up his bumper. So now I’m finally home… sore and sober. Being and insomniac gets old.
I: Intro
II: Piss in a can
III: Detours through fruit
IV: No place to sleep from golfing
V: A historical building and a carpeted mall
VI: Music I heart
VII: Beaten and molested
VIII: Toaster on wheels
IX: Strange encounters of the pathological kind
X: Mealtime in what could be considered Chuck-E-Cheese for adults
XI: Home at last
CHAPTER ONE:
I suppose I'll start this wonderful story from the very beginning... which is where most stories begin. For about a week Grace, Justin, and I were anticipating a trip to Providence to see Stealing Jane and Badfish (Sublime cover band). It was a lovely Tuesday afternoon when my phone began to ring. Justin was on the line... and as it turns out he decided to quit his job telemarketing after being informed that he now had a new job in order. Around midnight that night we had made plans to leave for Long Island with Grace to meet up with Bunce of Stealing Jane. However with this delightful news we chose to start the trip to Providence at around 6pm.
CHAPTER TWO:
At the last Stealing Jane show Justin found that he was in dire need of a urinal and found that a can of Jolt would make a suitable substitute. One joke lead to another and Grace suggested perhaps we should prank someone one day. Justin and I had some time to kill before picking Grace so we stopped at the gas station and picked up a few cans for the road. Justin quickly chugged one and attempted to 'fill' it. Apparently he was low on the liquids, so it was only about a quarter full. We stopped at Grace's house to retrieve her. Justin and I pondered for a moment how to put this little prank into action. When she got in the car I told her to try it out, they had a new flavor and I thought it tasted like pineapple but Justin thought it was more along the lines of blueberry. She protested for a moment at the realization that it was warm. She got the can almost up to her mouth when I blurted out, "Grace don't you dare drink that." (As it turns out I do kinda have a soul) She instantly recalled her suggestion... and was mortified that she almost drank Justin's piss. Now that we were fully entertained we began our trip.
CHAPTER THREE:
The majority of the trip was smooth until we got to Jersey City. A missed exit somewhere along the line gave us a quick detour through NYC. Grace was completely amazed... it was her first venture through the wild jungle that is 'The Big Apple'. We called on Bunce for directional assistance. We were in NYC long enough to see the sunset.... which was completely breathtaking.
CHAPTER FOUR:
We finally made it to Long Island and met up with Bunce around 9. We immediately started driving around looking for a hotel to stay at for the night. As our luck would have it, there was a golf tournament approaching and the Holiday Inn was booked... and was the Residence... and the Sheraton. Every hotel we tried was completely packed. We saw an Econolodge and I went in to see if they had a room open. The man at the desk sighed and told me they were booked. As he reached for the No Vacancy sign, some douche bag golf fiend thought it would be humoring to approach me. "Hey baby, if you... uhhh... service me, I'll share my room with you." I paused, looked him up and down, and rattled off every flaw I was able to note in 3 seconds. "You've got a pedicure, your sandals are hideous, your hair looks as though you spent more time on it today than I have on mine in the last month, you reek of bad cologne and a port-a-potty, and you’re ugly. And you called me baby... I don't think so." After I was done he looked as though he might cry. I stormed out and got in the car. I called Bunce and told him to lead us to the nearest diner... we'd get some food and then just go to Rhode Island.
CHAPTER FIVE:
After endless hours of driving we finally made it to Providence. We drove around the city for a long while looking for a hotel. We only found three, and they were all really nice. I picked one called the Biltmore. It was large, and old, and had big lights across the top of the building spelling out the name for the whole city to see. We got to our rooms sometime around 4am. The next morning we got up and walked around. We'd barely made it around the block before ended up in the mall. It was gigantic, and ritzy, and carpeted, and it had a wonderful food court. After nearly 5 hours in the mall we left. I'm not even sure how much money I blew... but it was a lot.
CHAPTER SIX:
Grace and I got all sexied up for the show and walked down to the venue, Lupo's. We stood outside for awhile to bullshit, socialize, and consume large amounts of free samples from Dunkin Donuts. The free samples were green in color and caffeinated in composition... and somehow managed to turn Justin's tongue/mouth area orange. A bum came up to us to ask us for money.. He got a few bucks out of us... and called Justin's hair yellow (when it is clearly hot pink). We got tired of standing outside and went in to see the show. Lupo's has to be the most striking venue I've ever seen. The whole set up was beautiful. The first two bands were good. Stealing Jane came on third. Grace got two local guys to let us stand in front of them so we could get as close as possible to the stage. A small pit broke out by Justin during their set. Scotty Don't followed them. I think I was one of the only people in the crowd who was familiar with their original stuff. (Scotty Don't and Badfish are the same guys) After they played their songs they took a short break and started in on Sublime. Not long into Badfish the moshing started.... and as always... I was right there. I was having a great time. I fell a few times. Wooden floors get slippery pretty quickly, especially when drunken people are spilling their beers. I realize I'm small, and that I'm usually the only girl who willingly moshed, and that catching elbows to the eye is to be expected. Violence in the pit I'm fine with. I'm also used to the guys who think they're helping me by pulling me out... but Lupo's really takes the cake on crazy moshing.
CHAPTER SEVEN:
So there I am, arms tucked up to my ribs, elbows flying, and adrenaline rushing. I'm on my second shirt... my first one nearly got ripped off so I had to run to Grace to get her second tank. I'm back in the pit bouncing around for awhile, I forced my way back in every time someone pulled me out, and plowed over every guy that tried to grab my ass or tits. Some random guy pulled me out and tried to kiss me, some crazy girl told me she was in love with me and I'm her soul mate, and some horny retard pushed me up against a wall of people and tried to hump me. When I pushed him off of me I caught a fist to the temple. Dizzy and disoriented I left the pit to locate Grace and water. When I found her I was completely exhausted. I had to keep rolling my shirt up to cool down. Bunce poured water one me and then went to get my and Justin water. I stayed out for awhile… but inevitably ended up back in the mosh pit. I saw three fits break out. One was between two girls. The other two were between guys. Two of the guys who were fighting were swinging relatively close to my face an, wouldn’t you know it, they both hit me. To which my response was to pummel them until security came and I made my way through the crowd. Every time it started cooling down some girl would get in the middle and started grinding the air waiting for some guy to rub his groin on her. One girl who was wearing a skirt got in the middle and two guys came at her at the same time…her response was to hike her skirt up. Caress Me Down came on and I was just moving my hips to the music. Some guy came up behind me and we danced for a bit. Date Rape started up and he kept trying grind, so I pulled away from him and plunged myself into the pit. After Miami I went to find Grace and Justin. We hung out for awhile, even after the show was over and then started walking around.
CHAPTER EIGHT:
We wandered the streets for awhile, unable to find anywhere to eat. We ventured towards 7 Eleven and stumbled upon a small aluminum diner on wheels. After ordering two hotdogs, a chili dogs, and an order of cheese fries Grace and I went to sit by a statue and Chow. Justin returned from picking up a drink in time for what could be considered the strangest part of the trip.
CHAPTER NINE:
Some kid asked us if he could sit by us. He was sweating profusely and looked scared. He started telling us about how his girl was trying to kiss some other guy, and two kids wanted to beat him up, and he was twenty minutes away from his home with no way to get back. He said he’d been hurt pretty severely in a car accident about a year ago. He lost the ability to use his right arm and showed us a crazy scar on his head where he had metal plating. I asked Justin what he thought about maybe giving him a ride to his house. Justin shrugged and left to get the car from the valet. While he was gone to two guys who he said wanted to beat him up can over. They acted really sympathetic, but there were defiantly undertones of violence. Justin finally came with the car. None of us know our way around Providence… and apparently neither did this kid. I ended up looking up MapQuest on my phone to get directions. I felt bad for the kid… but his stories got old… quick. I blew it off when he tried to tell me that his middle name was Emo, but when he started saying that he drove a Lamborghini and that it was too fast to drive in Massachusetts. We finally got him to his house and returned to the hotel to spend our last night in the world’s highest beds.
CHAPTER TEN:
We checked out of the hotel at 11. It wasn’t long after that Justin asked what state we wanted to have lunch in. After awhile of trying to think of somewhere fun; I recalled going to visit NYC with my dad last summer and eating at Jekyll and Hyde. The restaurant is a lot of fun, actors come up a talk to you, there’s lot of creepy stuff everywhere, and five or ten minutes skits. We had a conversation with one actor about how everything was her nightmare… I offered to help her out by letting her cut my head off. Another actor came up to us and tried to give Grace my dessert… to which I told him that she only eats babies. After dinner we walked through part of Central Park and rode in one of the bicycle carts to time square so we could visit Virgin. About fifteen blocks later we were back at the parking garage waiting for the car. It took about an hour to get out of NYC.
CHAPTER ELEVEN:
The ride home wasn’t too bad. Justin did and illegal U-Turn on the highway through grass. Plans we’d attempted to make with Corey to drink fell through. He dropped Grace off and then went to get gas…. Where he ran into the metal barrier before the pump and fucked up his bumper. So now I’m finally home… sore and sober. Being and insomniac gets old.