LA was so fuckingcrazyamazing... I had the BEST time.
And I got to squeeze David Grohls nipple...
I just got in from the airport and I'm tired, so instead of telling you all of the crazy shit that happened to me (it would be like a journal trilogy), I'll just tell you a story about how I almost puked on the plane.
hehehe
ALEXIS ALMOST UPCHUCKS HER GOODIES ON AMERICA WEST - FLIGHT 272
So Missy kicks all of the traveling SGs out at the airport about 8 this morning... I have a short flight to Phoenix, then a quick layover, and then another flight from Phoenix to Philadelphia. The latter was about 6 hours long, with NO FOOD served... those cheap mfs... all they give you is these little roasted peanuts and apple juice and it does a crap job of holding you over.
So right before I boarded I stuffed myself with:
a: a huge greasy pretzel loaded with butter and salt and a side of dipping cheese... mmm good
b: frozen yogurt with sprinkles
c: tomato juice
d: ice water
I fell asleep and after a few hours I was awakened by some shaken. Completely forgetting where I was, I jolted awake and remembered that I was still suck a flying metal tin can, and we were experiencing some turbulance. While I was sleeping the bumps were shaking my goodies inside my tummy and I didn't feel so good... apparently milk and cheese and tomato juice don't go well together, and the water was making it soupy. I started to feel it crawling up my stomach, and I knew I was going to throw up, it was just a matter of time. So I weighed my options:
A. Try to make myself feel better and wait for the turbulance to stop - drink more water, suck on ice, smell the recycled air... nothing was helping, and the turbulance wasn't stopping, we were stuck in a giant cloud.
B. Puke in my barf bag (But I'm an idiot and put my food garbage in my barf bag)
C. Borrow the person next to me's barf bag (and have them get really grossed out that I'm puking)
D. Puke in the bathroom (but we had to remain fastened in our seatbelts at all times, we weren't allowed to get up)
E. Page the stewardman and maybe, just maybe, he can do something.
So I did E.
He comes over...
Him: Can I help you?
Me: I think I'm going to throw up... not now... like in about 5 minutes.
Him: Ok, I'll get you a trash bag.
Me (interrupting): Is there anywhere I can puke in privacy?
HIm: Sorry... no.
Shit.
He comes back with a big black plastic bag, and everyone around me is offering me their barf bags. I set them up in a neat row on my little tray and wait for the puke to come...
it was the most AWFUL feeling...
Then the bumping stops for a moment and people start getting up to go to the bathroom. Oh snap! I'll puke in the bathroom! I walk to up the front of the plane where another stewardess is.
Her: You shouldn't be up and walking around!
Me: But... I have to throw up. (and I gave the big sad alexis eyes)
Her: Fine. Throw up in here.
And she opens up the door for me. Now I'm standing over the mini sink and start to dry heave. I know that either:
A: nothing will come out, which is good because puking sucks, but bad because I still feel sick.
B: everything will come out.
Option A happens... much to my relief... but I still needed to fix myself, and the only option left was the toilet. Get it out of the 'other end' so to speak.
I'm fucking scared of airplane toilets. I've never peed in one because when I was a kid, I heard an urban legend that once this guy was doing his business, then he gave a curtosy flush without lifting up his butt and it sucked his intestines out. I had just finished reading the darwin awards book and I knew that I was capable of accomplishing something so stupid.
But I didn't have a choice.
I sat down... did my business... counted the tiles the floor... took my time because she thought I was throwing up... then I was all better.
No puking, but you already knew that from the title and just wanted to watch me tell a story in a thousand words that I could have told in about 2 sentences.
xoxo alexis
And I got to squeeze David Grohls nipple...
I just got in from the airport and I'm tired, so instead of telling you all of the crazy shit that happened to me (it would be like a journal trilogy), I'll just tell you a story about how I almost puked on the plane.
hehehe
ALEXIS ALMOST UPCHUCKS HER GOODIES ON AMERICA WEST - FLIGHT 272
So Missy kicks all of the traveling SGs out at the airport about 8 this morning... I have a short flight to Phoenix, then a quick layover, and then another flight from Phoenix to Philadelphia. The latter was about 6 hours long, with NO FOOD served... those cheap mfs... all they give you is these little roasted peanuts and apple juice and it does a crap job of holding you over.
So right before I boarded I stuffed myself with:
a: a huge greasy pretzel loaded with butter and salt and a side of dipping cheese... mmm good
b: frozen yogurt with sprinkles
c: tomato juice
d: ice water
I fell asleep and after a few hours I was awakened by some shaken. Completely forgetting where I was, I jolted awake and remembered that I was still suck a flying metal tin can, and we were experiencing some turbulance. While I was sleeping the bumps were shaking my goodies inside my tummy and I didn't feel so good... apparently milk and cheese and tomato juice don't go well together, and the water was making it soupy. I started to feel it crawling up my stomach, and I knew I was going to throw up, it was just a matter of time. So I weighed my options:
A. Try to make myself feel better and wait for the turbulance to stop - drink more water, suck on ice, smell the recycled air... nothing was helping, and the turbulance wasn't stopping, we were stuck in a giant cloud.
B. Puke in my barf bag (But I'm an idiot and put my food garbage in my barf bag)
C. Borrow the person next to me's barf bag (and have them get really grossed out that I'm puking)
D. Puke in the bathroom (but we had to remain fastened in our seatbelts at all times, we weren't allowed to get up)
E. Page the stewardman and maybe, just maybe, he can do something.
So I did E.
He comes over...
Him: Can I help you?
Me: I think I'm going to throw up... not now... like in about 5 minutes.
Him: Ok, I'll get you a trash bag.
Me (interrupting): Is there anywhere I can puke in privacy?
HIm: Sorry... no.
Shit.
He comes back with a big black plastic bag, and everyone around me is offering me their barf bags. I set them up in a neat row on my little tray and wait for the puke to come...
it was the most AWFUL feeling...
Then the bumping stops for a moment and people start getting up to go to the bathroom. Oh snap! I'll puke in the bathroom! I walk to up the front of the plane where another stewardess is.
Her: You shouldn't be up and walking around!
Me: But... I have to throw up. (and I gave the big sad alexis eyes)
Her: Fine. Throw up in here.
And she opens up the door for me. Now I'm standing over the mini sink and start to dry heave. I know that either:
A: nothing will come out, which is good because puking sucks, but bad because I still feel sick.
B: everything will come out.
Option A happens... much to my relief... but I still needed to fix myself, and the only option left was the toilet. Get it out of the 'other end' so to speak.
I'm fucking scared of airplane toilets. I've never peed in one because when I was a kid, I heard an urban legend that once this guy was doing his business, then he gave a curtosy flush without lifting up his butt and it sucked his intestines out. I had just finished reading the darwin awards book and I knew that I was capable of accomplishing something so stupid.
But I didn't have a choice.
I sat down... did my business... counted the tiles the floor... took my time because she thought I was throwing up... then I was all better.
No puking, but you already knew that from the title and just wanted to watch me tell a story in a thousand words that I could have told in about 2 sentences.
xoxo alexis
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hugs and sloppy kisses
GPK
Picture a huge pool filled with people. Now picture ONE dude all the way across the street from the pool. The pool is the loop and I am that dude WAY out of the loop.
Anyways, you shouldn't worry about it. You're still completely young and probably have no idea what you want to do with your life. If you DO know what you wanna do with your life, you should probably be kicked cause you're LAME. Being under thirty means being confused and bouncing arond a lot. So keep your chin up, you're doin just fine.