alexbetty

I've recently discovered that I may have that Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. Since late October, I've been finding my emotionally-needy friends and their drama too much to bear, I often feel that I can't purge their negativity/melodrama from my mood, and I've been having the urge to hide in my house and watch movies/read a book rather than socialize/drink with anybody.

It was pointed out to me today, by someone who would know, that I tend to get depressed/go into hibernation around the same time every year. It was suggested that the birth of my present black mood coincided with the turning back of the clocks. As I really started to lose patience with my girlfriends who have this Dr. Jeckyll-Mrs. Hyde relationship with alcohol and indulge in either desperate partying or maudlin/love-gushing mood swings, I give this theory some credence. It was then that I decided that I have too many friends and that they exhaust me emotionally. It was right after the election that my general contempt for humanity deepened. And now, just after Thanksgiving, which was nice for the most part, I am totally ready to cut out all my single friends out til spring. They can go out and find their own fucking families and let me alone to enjoy my own. We're like a fucking mission here, minus the religious support. I realize that it's very uncharitable to want to pull back on generosity and unselfish behavior, and that makes me feel guilty. And I don't deal very well with guilt, so they can all just fuck off until the sun starts shining again.