alethelion

Well so kinda been having a ruff couple of days obviously. Didn't make it to the concert which sucked.....Found out my truck needs a crap ton of work done on it like 1600$ worth of work >.>....I can do alot of it if I had the tools but those cost just at much money. Lost another friend recently due to who knows what cuz like the last couple of friends/gf thing I really have no idea what the hell happened. Guess I've been a big enough bastard some where along the lines to piss off something to have a two years worth of little to nothing going my way other than keeping my job and even that's barely hanging on. On a slightly positive note I still have plans to go to Texas in January, hopefully nothing fucks that up. And if things keep going the way they are it might not just be a visit in January I might just move back to San Antonio. But by the looks of it that might be happening anyways I'm pretty well tired of being drop kicked in the face by back stabbing people and people who called themselves my friends. I know my family wont be to thrilled about me moving away again they just got me back up here. But I have to do what I think is best for me. Don't get me wrong I had bad things happen to me in Texas as well but I always had people there helping me back up and supporting me not people who act like they are and then kick me down again right as I think things are getting better. I've never pretended to be a good person but I know I'm not overly bad. I've done so horrible things in my time and some amazing things as well. But I've never thought that I should deserve to be taken down from the strong willed person that I was to this meek person who keeps backing away from every confrontation. That's never been who I was I'm afraid to talk to people because I keep getting lied to or I say something wrong with out meaning to so on. I've always been known for being verbal about what I think and how I see a situation and the last two weeks I've been quiet and haven't said much of anything. This bothers me, don't get me wrong I'm a big guy at 6'7" and I always look angry but that's just who I am. I've always valued the fact that I stand up for what I think is right and wrong and been verbal about these things and always spoke my mind, but like I said I haven't lately. Hell I haven't in months to be honest with myself. This is something that scares me. I know sometimes change can be good but changing and entire attitude in a few months and going from something that I've been all my life to something that I've never been isn't right. I've always been hard on myself and looked at things that I've done in the past with little to no regret because a life full of regret is not a life at all. But these last few months have been my most regretful. I've been sad I've cried I've been angry and to some small degree I've been happy. But in the long run I've never been a sad person and I have been alot recently. Oh well sorry for the long post don't really know who reads them anyways. Either way thanks for listening to my random rant about life.