alanajoy

When I was little my mother used to tell me, I swear Alana, youre so smart youre stupid.. Lets skip the Freudian field day for another blog post and cut to the chase: my mother was right. Just, in a different way than Im sure she meant it.

Im one of those people that has to process a situation from every imaginable angle. Then I consider every possibility for each angle. What winds up happening is not unlike a dog turning around a few times before settling into a good spot on the couch.

The more I think about things, the more I realize that I know absolutely nothing. In some areas of life, it comes in useful. For example where it comes to work or creative projects, its what makes me so good at brainstorming ideas and imagining potential, it helps me cultivate a unique perspective.

In other areas though, it can be a burden. Thought process is, I think, an attempt at control in a world where we have very little. If you run through infinite outcomes in your mind, surely one of them might be somewhere along the lines of how things will wind up. Then one can conjure a plan of response to each situation accordingly and always stay a few steps ahead. I imagine the best case scenario, the worst possible scenario, countless variables that could reveal themselves winding up in the exact same place I started, knowing nothing and sometimes understanding even less than I did at the beginning.

But consider this: when I walk away understanding less, it allows me to understand more. In un-knowing something I previously thought I knew, Ive opened possibilities that didnt before exist. Ive torn down walls. Fog has lifted so I can at least see where Im going to navigate. Better to think anything is possible than to limit yourself with preconceived predictions in a better or worse direction.

Its not something I think Ill ever grow out of or evolve past, and I dont really want to. Though I drive myself crazy sometimes, mixing my abundance of passion and emotion with my thought tornadoes: more often than not I wind up finding a calm in the eye of the storm. Somehow, in the realization of unknowing, I find liberation. I find a way to center myself amidst the chaos, to appreciate the charm and surprise in watching how life finds a way to always throw in plot twists and magic where you couldnt possibly have imagined to see them. Im offered excitement in place of trepidation. I discover my edge.

Theres adventure and romance and promise in the unknown.

In the eye of the storm, the best we can do is be true to ourselves given whats put before us. Youll be right and wrong all at once. It will be worse than you think and better than you expect. Beyond that I find that if you allow the tornado to lift you up, more often than not when things subside your world will go from black and white to technicolor.

Just ask Dorothy.

from my blog