fuck. my god, i need so badly to be held and be told by someone that they love me. stopped taking my pills, i guess i'm just addicted to depression, kurt cobain said it best,"I miss the comfort in being sad." very close to the end, i can smell it. i just need a way to do it, safe and painless, i can't stand no more pain, no... it has to be painless, last time i took too many and puked everywhere and had my stomach pumped and layed hollow on a hospital bed with shame written on my face for the nurses to look at. refused to give them contact info, didn't want anyone to know or visit me. dumb fucking nurses just sat there explaining to me why life is worth living while they injected me with so much fucking shit. I just responded by only talking back to them in German to confuse them and make them go away. this time will be different. in the end everything will be different. better.
