So anyway, I remember a while ago I was wondering where I went wrong, where exactly it was that I made the wrong decision that sent my life spiraling out of control into the ugly, painful pit of misery I'd found myself in all of a sudden. Well, I don't know where it was I went wrong that time, but I know where it was I went wrong the last time. I can see it quite vividly, I can see myself looking up, and nodding, and saying something like, "I've been thinking about that too, actually, and I think it would be okay. I've been thinking that it would be okay if you did that."
I don't know if it would have made a difference if I'd understood the ramifications of the situation and instead had said, "well, I'd really prefer it if you didn't. That would make me feel bad." It might not have changed the outcome at all. I just wish that I would have faced up to what I was actually feeling and not just gone with what I told myself I felt. Of course, I didn't realize that that's what I was doing at the time. If I had, maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but at least things would have been clear.
Things would have been clear. I would have made myself clear and there would have been no misunderstandings and no guessing as to whether or not it was serious. Everything would have been out in the open. There would have been no question.
Oh well. Life goes on.
Anyway, it looks like I'm going to be moving a lot sooner than previously planned (read: 2 weeks) so I'll probably decide what I'm selling and get it up here by Friday. I don't know if I'll go through ebay or not but you're always welcome to make me an offer you think I won't be able to refuse.
I don't know if it would have made a difference if I'd understood the ramifications of the situation and instead had said, "well, I'd really prefer it if you didn't. That would make me feel bad." It might not have changed the outcome at all. I just wish that I would have faced up to what I was actually feeling and not just gone with what I told myself I felt. Of course, I didn't realize that that's what I was doing at the time. If I had, maybe it wouldn't have changed anything, but at least things would have been clear.
Things would have been clear. I would have made myself clear and there would have been no misunderstandings and no guessing as to whether or not it was serious. Everything would have been out in the open. There would have been no question.
Oh well. Life goes on.
Anyway, it looks like I'm going to be moving a lot sooner than previously planned (read: 2 weeks) so I'll probably decide what I'm selling and get it up here by Friday. I don't know if I'll go through ebay or not but you're always welcome to make me an offer you think I won't be able to refuse.
VIEW 24 of 24 COMMENTS
That and lame attempts to make you smile. In that vein, here's a Homey-Morphism to go with your Funktor:
EVERYTHING MUST GO
Garage sale saturday
I need to pay
my hearts outstanding bills
a cracked up compass and a pocket watch
some plastic daffodils
cutlery and coffee cups I stole
from all night restaurants
a sense of wonder only slightly used
a year or 2 to haunt you in the dark
for a phone call from far away
with a hi how are you today
and the sight recovery comes
to the broken ones
a wage slave 40 hour work week weighs
a thousand kilograms
so bend your knees
comes with a free fake free smile
for all your dumb demands
a cordless razor my father bought
when I turned 17
a puke green sofa and the outline to a
complicated dream of dignity
for a laugh to loud and to long
or a place where awkward belongs
and the sight recovery comes
to the broken ones
to the broken ones
for the broken ones
[Edited on Aug 09, 2005 5:25AM]