there ain't no way you're single..with smokin' curves and a pretty face like you've got?!!?that's absurd...
Don't get me wrong, it's awfully flattering to have people say things like this, but do they really realize what they're saying? I'm sure there are plenty of guys out there who would be willing to date me because they think I'm pretty, but... but what about me? I mean, I'm not going to date a guy just because he comes along and thinks I'm pretty, or even if he thinks I'm pretty AND smart. What's that going to get me other than a self-esteem boost and (I hope!) some good head? Unfortunately, there's more to dating (for me) than just picking out the best looking guy who will go home with me. Yeah, it totally sucks. I'm so fucking picky! It's such a fucking trial, and I'm getting a little sick of it.
"You're single? But you're so pretty!"
"Okay, point me towards the next guy you see that's as pretty as I am and I'll see how he is..."
So that's the first of many retardedly hard steps to getting me a boyfriend: finding a guy to whom I'm physically attracted. That might sound shallow, but honestly, do you want to sleep with someone you don't think is hot? Okay, that mission is accomplished.
Next, after I find this ultra-hot guy, he's going to turn out to have a girlfriend, or maybe even a wife. If I'm lucky, she's hot too and they're into threesomes, and then the following steps have to be taken separately for the two of them, but since there are two of them and I'm a lot more stoked about two than one, I'm a bit more lax with my reqirements. But say he doesn't have an SO; now I have to be able to have a conversation with him about something vaguely interesting. Weather is not interesting unless a tornado/hurricane/<insert crazy weather pattern here> has done extra super wacky shit, or is in an area wreaking havoc on someone you know, and they've given you a first-hand account. That's rad.
Now that it's been established that he isn't dull as a bag full of hammer-shaped rocks and is at least mildly intelligent and has his own opinions aside from the ones generally shown on MTV's Spring Break, I have to make sure he's not racist, homophobic, sexist or a bigot in general, that he doesn't believe in astrology, scientology, ghosts, fairies, magic(k), etc, that he tends to be socially liberal, though his politial leanings may be in another direction; I don't necessarily care where he is politically, just as long as his views lie somewhere.
Wow, this guy is starting to seem really cool. He warrents more indepth conversation, for sure, and I hope I get to talk to him again. At this point, I cross my fingers that phone numbers are exchanged. Now, there are still more questions I have to start asking myself about him before anything starts to get too serious. Does he have manners? Does me make me laugh? Is he well-read? Does he follow the news? Is he a quick thinker? Can he go punch for punch with me in the insult department? Can he beat me at pool? Does he dress well? etc... there are many things I wonder about him and these things will reveal themselves as we go on more dates.
You know what I forgot to mention in there? The question for the ages: is he interested in me? I think it gets answered in the phone number exchange part of the conversation. If he doesn't want to give me his number I can just tell myself that it's because I got drunk and embarrassed myself. It's probably not far from the truth.
I just noticed that I really am rambling right now which I chock up to it being 5 in the morning and me being tired as fuck. I don't know what got into me just then. I can't keep my eyes open and should have gone to bed an hour ago. Eh, oh well. You know what I should have done is tried to snag dunx back when he was single instead of just getting him to be the best friend I've ever had in my life. That boy is sex on legs; sometimes I think it shouldn't be legal for him to walk around with his shirt off in those green cut-off shorts he has. It's almost pornographic, the way he stands with his weight on one leg and his hip out to the side, water from his hair dripping down onto his back, glistening on his well-defined muscles... er, I mean... what was I saying? Oh yeah, dunx is really beautiful. I'm so glad my best friend is a fuckin' hottie. It makes my life a lot better because I get to look at a hot person a lot rather than a just so-so person. I'd still like him just as much were he not as hot, but I'm glad he is as hot as he is because man, is he nice to look at. But back to our imaginary relationship that would have happened like a year and a half ago. We probably would have had a really ugly breakup, and never spoken to each other again, but at least I would have gotten to tap that fine ass of his, like, every day. You know, though, I'm glad things turned out this way because I really wouldn't trade his friendship or any fraction thereof for the world. If you see him, pass on a kiss from me.
What a weird journal entry. I'm going to bed now, dammit. My eyes are going to close and stay closed, and it's going to feel like sex.
Here's my question for you guys: who is the hottest person you've ever had a sexual experiecnce with? By this I mean makeouts, oral, intercourse, etc... You get the idea.
