akuma_usagi

Dreamscape: I was in Qualicum with two dectives one of which was Jarrod. We were at a crime scene where a family that lived in a church had killed there youngest child. To save it or something. We left in a car and I sat in the back by myself. The detective drove like he was blind. There was only half of the road left on the way to the Ucluelet reserve. I asked him to slow down. He stopped the car and I had to walk. I had my child self with me and we wondered around trying to find our way to the reserve. There was many pathways and I took the lowest one. It started to get dark. I wondered where Jarrod went. He appeared on one of the highest pathways with Martin Luther King Jr. Who declared," You were once here with us!" I knew what he meant, but I thought he was speaking about the reserve. Then I realized he meant me. That I am now lost, depressed, not myself. I went across a bridge into the reserve with my child self. When I realized where I was and that it was dark now, I turned around to go back but the bridge was gone. The detective showed up. I starting yelling, why is Jarrod so angry with me, why can't I go back. He told me that I knew why. That I am just mean, that I am angry. I told him I didn't want to be a 'woman' married and having babies and doing stupid 'woman stuff.'

When I remembered my dream tonight I started to cry over what Martin Luther King said to me. I am sooooo tired of being depressed.

I almost spent lots of money on shoes tonight! Must not use credit cards. Must not use credit cards. I told myself no matter how many shoes I buy it won't make me happy. buy this shoes and be happy....

I cracked on the waiting period between bleaching and coloring. I am afraid to look in the mirror but my hair does feel delightfully crisp.

I should get off line now the urge to internet shop is too strong.