akuma_usagi

I am having so much trouble with my computer lately. It took me all day to get online and now that I am here I just want to sign off and eat chocolate.

I don't have much to say to anyone. I think I am kindof shut off right now. I stared at the evil tyrannical lamp this afternoon, ok all afternoon convincing myself that I should go into the mash potato kitchen to eat breakfast. Of course I did manage to get out of bed before 2pm. And Jarrod did do the mash potato dishes that scared me the other day.

I keep obsessing about appearances. Maybe its the boring ass maternity clothes I have to wear. And that I can't wear any of my nice shoes just plain sneakers. And I've been watching way too much What not to wear. Which did inspire me to change my hair color but of course I can never pick a good color. So my hair is now bleached sparkly brown-orange with green tips. And the hair dye cautions say to wait at least two weeks before I color my hair. And I can't wait that long its been one day and I am itching to color it. Jarrod said he likes my hair bleached, I remind him of some Xzine girl and I should keep it like this. He has such funny taste.

I am almost done making all my presents for family. I am almost done making excuses to avoid my family.

I am going to a funeral this friday in Sannich. Jarrod reminded me to wear black Like I own some other colour(in my boring maternity wardrobe).

I have to go to Port Alberni wensday. I am not looking forward to it. As it gets closer to Christmas the more annoying my family becomes. And my grandma bless her bitter old heart gave my father my phone number again. I have asked her for like five years not to give him my phone number. I have his phone number and if I wanted to hear what a fat loser I am, I'd call him. And if I hear someone tell me its family so I have to put up with I will pet an imaginary cat so I don't strangle them.

I told Jarrod's mom the other day that I hate christmas. She couldn't understand that. She was like you have your step-family and now jarrod's family. I am not sure what I really expect from them. I think I am so unimpressed with them all that I would much rather just be on my own with much less stress and much more happy. My family is so surreal that I am not sure if I believe everything thats happened or happening. I really hate hearing but its your family, so let them treat like a piece of shit.

i hate christmas. i hate anything that wakes me from my pretend world.

Jarrod has finally devolped sympathy symptoms. He has been craving sweets. We go grocery shopping and everything he points out to get has a sugar content of at least 90%. I get sick just thinking of all the junk. For breakfast he had a slice of grasshopper cheesecake, chocolate cheesecake, ice cream pie, boston cream pie. He didn't understand why I have only had two slices of pie in the last week. We had a box of chocolates, he ate half in five minutes. I had two. He came home and saw there was still some left and ask me if I was sick. Its funny, its disguisting and its just me passing the time cause I slept into till 2 and theres nothing to do now. And I did snap at him today in the grocery store cause all he wanted to do was buy more junk. He says that he is just naturally fatty. I don't think so, he eats five desserts for breakfast. mmm maybe I am so intrested in his sweet tooth cause he always bugs me that I have to have a pop everyday.

I want to dye my hair, it looks so ugly right now.

I am kinda of tired now.