It's my journal 
(if you already read the intro about interstitial cystitis, check out today's thoughts underneath the row of pretty pretty stars)
I thought it would be cool to document teh life of a chick who's got the girlie-disease "interstitial cystitis."
A lotta people don't know what I.C. is so here goes: incurable tiny ulcers inside the wall of your bladder make it hard to walk, exercise, eat, drink, fuck, dance, breathe, smell flowers, blah blah blah.
The thing is? I have this disease and i'm still kickin' ass.
And other for-real chicks that have bullshit going on with their bodies can relate.
No matter what our mutherfucking misogynistic doctors, sadistic nurses, well-meaning family members, and uninformed aquaintances say, we are awesome, and we can do a good job of taking care of ourselves, thankyouverymuch.
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I'm so confused about what acceptable relationship behavior is. I mean, everyone says terrible things and does scary stuff sometimes. So how do you know when you really should leave?
Examples of behavior that prompts this journal entry:
1)Significant other says "You're too fat to be pretty."
2)S.O. Starts yelling at you cause you left a glass too close to the edge of the counter and thus, he knocked it on to the floor. When you offer to clean up the glass shards, he goes and gets the broom and chucks it at your face as hard as he can, almost popping out your eye. Thank god you have quick reflexes.
3)S.O. meets with other women, refuses to tell them he has a girlfriend he's been living with for 4 years, and refuses to introduce girlfriend to these women when he runs into them on the street.
4) S.O. screams "I'm not letting you out of this car until you tell me why you dated your previous boyfriend!!!" and then proceeds to do just that.
5) S.O. doesn't acknowledge your birthdays even though you reminded him.
6) S.O. insists on maintaining close friendship with guy who date-raped you and tells you to get over it cause you're making things uncomfortable for everyone by hanging on to things that are in the past.
7)Though you said "no" 5 times, S.O. sneakily pulls down your pants while you're asleep and sticks his dick in you anyway. It is true that he could have thought you were awake....
8) S.O. constantly criticizes. Many of the criticisms are valid though.
9) S.O. breaks stuff in your house when he's mad (rips towel rack off wall, slams door so hard it breaks a little)
10) After a pretty bad fight, S.O. comes over uninvited and inserts himself in your bed while you sleep. When you jump up scared shitless, he says he just felt so sorry that he had to be with you right away.
11)S.O. cites your chronic illness as a reason you are undesireable. He's "just being honest."
12) S.O. pushes you and when you bring it up, it's as if he really truly doesn't remember pushing you.
I mean, sometimes people are just mad. Sometimes they aren't being cruel, they ARE just being honest, you know? And what if what I consider "pushing" really isn't "pushing" and I'm just overly sensitive? What if he really was just trying to throw the broom across the kitchen and didn't mean to aim it at my head? It is just so possible that I'm paranoid and stuff, you know? And these guys I've dated are considered really really sweet guys by everyone that knows them. Our mutual friends don't believe me when I tell them about this stuff. Everyone says I'm overreacting and I'm too sensitive. But in the back of my mind I'm always a little worried...
(if you already read the intro about interstitial cystitis, check out today's thoughts underneath the row of pretty pretty stars)
I thought it would be cool to document teh life of a chick who's got the girlie-disease "interstitial cystitis."
A lotta people don't know what I.C. is so here goes: incurable tiny ulcers inside the wall of your bladder make it hard to walk, exercise, eat, drink, fuck, dance, breathe, smell flowers, blah blah blah.
The thing is? I have this disease and i'm still kickin' ass.
And other for-real chicks that have bullshit going on with their bodies can relate.
No matter what our mutherfucking misogynistic doctors, sadistic nurses, well-meaning family members, and uninformed aquaintances say, we are awesome, and we can do a good job of taking care of ourselves, thankyouverymuch.
****************************************************************************************************************************
I'm so confused about what acceptable relationship behavior is. I mean, everyone says terrible things and does scary stuff sometimes. So how do you know when you really should leave?
Examples of behavior that prompts this journal entry:
1)Significant other says "You're too fat to be pretty."
2)S.O. Starts yelling at you cause you left a glass too close to the edge of the counter and thus, he knocked it on to the floor. When you offer to clean up the glass shards, he goes and gets the broom and chucks it at your face as hard as he can, almost popping out your eye. Thank god you have quick reflexes.
3)S.O. meets with other women, refuses to tell them he has a girlfriend he's been living with for 4 years, and refuses to introduce girlfriend to these women when he runs into them on the street.
4) S.O. screams "I'm not letting you out of this car until you tell me why you dated your previous boyfriend!!!" and then proceeds to do just that.
5) S.O. doesn't acknowledge your birthdays even though you reminded him.
6) S.O. insists on maintaining close friendship with guy who date-raped you and tells you to get over it cause you're making things uncomfortable for everyone by hanging on to things that are in the past.
7)Though you said "no" 5 times, S.O. sneakily pulls down your pants while you're asleep and sticks his dick in you anyway. It is true that he could have thought you were awake....
8) S.O. constantly criticizes. Many of the criticisms are valid though.
9) S.O. breaks stuff in your house when he's mad (rips towel rack off wall, slams door so hard it breaks a little)
10) After a pretty bad fight, S.O. comes over uninvited and inserts himself in your bed while you sleep. When you jump up scared shitless, he says he just felt so sorry that he had to be with you right away.
11)S.O. cites your chronic illness as a reason you are undesireable. He's "just being honest."
12) S.O. pushes you and when you bring it up, it's as if he really truly doesn't remember pushing you.
I mean, sometimes people are just mad. Sometimes they aren't being cruel, they ARE just being honest, you know? And what if what I consider "pushing" really isn't "pushing" and I'm just overly sensitive? What if he really was just trying to throw the broom across the kitchen and didn't mean to aim it at my head? It is just so possible that I'm paranoid and stuff, you know? And these guys I've dated are considered really really sweet guys by everyone that knows them. Our mutual friends don't believe me when I tell them about this stuff. Everyone says I'm overreacting and I'm too sensitive. But in the back of my mind I'm always a little worried...
VIEW 27 of 27 COMMENTS
[Edited on Apr 10, 2005 12:33AM]