Burned
I haven't had a bad day like this since late July. Everything built up against me, no saving graces. Variety called shortly after my shift was over and I was still so angry I didn't want to talk, and she's a sweetheart. That's how bad my day was; I didn't want to talk to one of my favorite people.
I had a troubled sleep, partly from the fear that my home would spontaneously combust, partly from anger at Januar for not calling like she said she would and fucking up my night, and partly from the Bitch. The Bitch is a girl to whom I was introduced by my friend G Funk, and I immediately had a crush on her. She spurned my advances, which is alright, because not everyone has enough sense to know that I'm the sexiest motherfucker that ever lived. What pissed me off last night was that she called me asking for a favor. What that favor is and why she needed it, I won't divulge. Suffice to say that it is something potentially life altering and personal, and I was the last person she thought of who would help her. This cunt who had treated me like dirt was asking for my help because nobody else would. I was last her hope, so now I was suddenly her friend. An excerpt:
Me: why exactly should I fucking help you?
Bitch: Look, no one else will even talk to me...
Me: I'm supposed to help you because no one else will, after you treated me like shit? Bitch, suck my balls.
I was already in a bad mood when I got to work, but I cheered up a bit because ym favorite waitress was there. Unfortunately, the waitress on whom I have a crush and sexual harassment waitress were there, as well. Still, I tried to make the best of it. I busted my ass for an hour to get everything done, and there was a quiet hour with nothing but a few regulars. Then the manager came in around ten, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "Why don't you enough pastries on the buffet?" Cocksucker. No hello, nice to see you. The first thing out of his mouth is a goddamn complaint. One harsh fucking fact of life that I've learned working at that terrible graveyard of the soul is that no matter how hard you try, or how much you do, it's never enough. The Manager is never happy or satisfied, he always wants more.
But I try anyway, cause I'm fucking stupid. I run the buffet, and I bus the tables (which is the waitresses' respinsibility) and I help the cook in the kitchen. And for what? I get no tips from the waitresses, I get no food from the cook, I get no appreciation from the manager. I get nothing for my work and effort but my shitty 5.75 an hour and 8 hours worth of bitching. By 1 o'clock, I was utterly humorless. I patrolled the diner with a scowl permanently etched on my face, like a moving granite statue filled with hate and contempt for the world.
The manager is always telling me I have to use my mind and think independently, which is good advice until you realize
1. a lot of the things he wants me to do are things I've never done before
2. There are no clearly delineated responsibilities, since I have to do everyone else's job, plus my own
3. Whever I do something without the Manager's prompting, he bitches me out for doing it wrong.
Add those three up and you get a recipe for stagnation. When one task is finished, I don't do anything until he gives me something to do because I don't know what's next, I don't want to screw up, and no matter what I do, he'll complain anyway. Of course, it really doesn't matter if I do things with his prompting or without. He'll complain anyway. So I saw that the fruit dish was running low on fruit, and decide to take it back to the kitchen. As long as I've been here, the Manager has always handled this, so when I see him standing in the back, staring out into space, deep in thought, I yell out "We need more fruit, Manager!" He doesn't respond, so I yell it again. Then he turns to me "What the fuck is wrong with you that you can't do it yourself? I thought you were a smart guy."
I have remarkable control over my emotions. Even when I've called the manager out, I've never yelled at him or anyone else in that diner. But this time, I SNAPPED. It was a going over the edge moment that literally had everyone staring, from the Manager to some of the customers that heard. Here's the jist of what I said
Me: Look, whatever problems your having, get over them! You are the manager of this restaurant and you DON'T GET TO THROW HISSY FITS! And as for this tray, which you want me to fill, I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW, SO DON'T YELL AT ME FOR ASKING FOR YOUR HELP!
The Manager must be Russian, because if you project power he'll stop fucking with you for a bit. He showed how to refill the tray and stayed off my back for a little while, but for the rest of the day whenever I asked what he wanted me to do, he kept complaining that I didn't think for myself. Towards the end of my shift I had another minor blow up.
Me: Do you know what hearts and minds means?
Manager: what has that got to do with anything?
Me: It has everything to do with this restaurant, because you know how to manager a restaurant,but you don't know how to manage people. Hearts and minds means that you give people a sense of self-confidence and self-respect in exchange for hard work and obedience. But you don't give anybody self-respect. We have no reason to do anything you say except for our shitty paychecks, which I still haven't gotten, by the way. You don't inspire us to work hard, and that's the mark of a bad leader. Now when you tell me to use my mind, I can't, because every time I do, I get nothing but grief. So here's what you need to do. First, you need to tell me exactly what my responsibilities are before the day starts, because when I have to do everyone's job, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. Second, you need to start saying positive things to the people who work here, because right now, when we do good work, all we get is silence, and when we do bad work, all we get is grief.
Manager: Alright, you come by tomorrow at 9 and we'll see what happens.
When I got out of my shift at three, I found I had a message on my phone from Januar. She said she'd read my post and felt sorry, so she was returning the calls I'd left the previous evening. After a day full of frustration, this hit a couple of nerves. First, I hate when people say they're going to do something and then don't do it, especially when it's something as simple as picking up a fucking phone, dialing a number, and telling someone that you can or can't make it out tonight. Second, I hate it when people do things for me out of pity. I hate pity. It's the worst of all human emotions. I don't want anyones goddamn pity. Just do what you say you're going to do, and don't do it because you feel sorry for me.
Now it's 4 PM, and I have to return a DVD by 4:45, so it's time for me to run. Peace out, bitches.
I haven't had a bad day like this since late July. Everything built up against me, no saving graces. Variety called shortly after my shift was over and I was still so angry I didn't want to talk, and she's a sweetheart. That's how bad my day was; I didn't want to talk to one of my favorite people.
I had a troubled sleep, partly from the fear that my home would spontaneously combust, partly from anger at Januar for not calling like she said she would and fucking up my night, and partly from the Bitch. The Bitch is a girl to whom I was introduced by my friend G Funk, and I immediately had a crush on her. She spurned my advances, which is alright, because not everyone has enough sense to know that I'm the sexiest motherfucker that ever lived. What pissed me off last night was that she called me asking for a favor. What that favor is and why she needed it, I won't divulge. Suffice to say that it is something potentially life altering and personal, and I was the last person she thought of who would help her. This cunt who had treated me like dirt was asking for my help because nobody else would. I was last her hope, so now I was suddenly her friend. An excerpt:
Me: why exactly should I fucking help you?
Bitch: Look, no one else will even talk to me...
Me: I'm supposed to help you because no one else will, after you treated me like shit? Bitch, suck my balls.
I was already in a bad mood when I got to work, but I cheered up a bit because ym favorite waitress was there. Unfortunately, the waitress on whom I have a crush and sexual harassment waitress were there, as well. Still, I tried to make the best of it. I busted my ass for an hour to get everything done, and there was a quiet hour with nothing but a few regulars. Then the manager came in around ten, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth is "Why don't you enough pastries on the buffet?" Cocksucker. No hello, nice to see you. The first thing out of his mouth is a goddamn complaint. One harsh fucking fact of life that I've learned working at that terrible graveyard of the soul is that no matter how hard you try, or how much you do, it's never enough. The Manager is never happy or satisfied, he always wants more.
But I try anyway, cause I'm fucking stupid. I run the buffet, and I bus the tables (which is the waitresses' respinsibility) and I help the cook in the kitchen. And for what? I get no tips from the waitresses, I get no food from the cook, I get no appreciation from the manager. I get nothing for my work and effort but my shitty 5.75 an hour and 8 hours worth of bitching. By 1 o'clock, I was utterly humorless. I patrolled the diner with a scowl permanently etched on my face, like a moving granite statue filled with hate and contempt for the world.
The manager is always telling me I have to use my mind and think independently, which is good advice until you realize
1. a lot of the things he wants me to do are things I've never done before
2. There are no clearly delineated responsibilities, since I have to do everyone else's job, plus my own
3. Whever I do something without the Manager's prompting, he bitches me out for doing it wrong.
Add those three up and you get a recipe for stagnation. When one task is finished, I don't do anything until he gives me something to do because I don't know what's next, I don't want to screw up, and no matter what I do, he'll complain anyway. Of course, it really doesn't matter if I do things with his prompting or without. He'll complain anyway. So I saw that the fruit dish was running low on fruit, and decide to take it back to the kitchen. As long as I've been here, the Manager has always handled this, so when I see him standing in the back, staring out into space, deep in thought, I yell out "We need more fruit, Manager!" He doesn't respond, so I yell it again. Then he turns to me "What the fuck is wrong with you that you can't do it yourself? I thought you were a smart guy."
I have remarkable control over my emotions. Even when I've called the manager out, I've never yelled at him or anyone else in that diner. But this time, I SNAPPED. It was a going over the edge moment that literally had everyone staring, from the Manager to some of the customers that heard. Here's the jist of what I said
Me: Look, whatever problems your having, get over them! You are the manager of this restaurant and you DON'T GET TO THROW HISSY FITS! And as for this tray, which you want me to fill, I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE AND I DON'T KNOW HOW, SO DON'T YELL AT ME FOR ASKING FOR YOUR HELP!
The Manager must be Russian, because if you project power he'll stop fucking with you for a bit. He showed how to refill the tray and stayed off my back for a little while, but for the rest of the day whenever I asked what he wanted me to do, he kept complaining that I didn't think for myself. Towards the end of my shift I had another minor blow up.
Me: Do you know what hearts and minds means?
Manager: what has that got to do with anything?
Me: It has everything to do with this restaurant, because you know how to manager a restaurant,but you don't know how to manage people. Hearts and minds means that you give people a sense of self-confidence and self-respect in exchange for hard work and obedience. But you don't give anybody self-respect. We have no reason to do anything you say except for our shitty paychecks, which I still haven't gotten, by the way. You don't inspire us to work hard, and that's the mark of a bad leader. Now when you tell me to use my mind, I can't, because every time I do, I get nothing but grief. So here's what you need to do. First, you need to tell me exactly what my responsibilities are before the day starts, because when I have to do everyone's job, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do next. Second, you need to start saying positive things to the people who work here, because right now, when we do good work, all we get is silence, and when we do bad work, all we get is grief.
Manager: Alright, you come by tomorrow at 9 and we'll see what happens.
When I got out of my shift at three, I found I had a message on my phone from Januar. She said she'd read my post and felt sorry, so she was returning the calls I'd left the previous evening. After a day full of frustration, this hit a couple of nerves. First, I hate when people say they're going to do something and then don't do it, especially when it's something as simple as picking up a fucking phone, dialing a number, and telling someone that you can or can't make it out tonight. Second, I hate it when people do things for me out of pity. I hate pity. It's the worst of all human emotions. I don't want anyones goddamn pity. Just do what you say you're going to do, and don't do it because you feel sorry for me.
Now it's 4 PM, and I have to return a DVD by 4:45, so it's time for me to run. Peace out, bitches.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
shesinparties:
dude, suck it up, your job is not exactly rocket science. i don't know januar, but that was really fucked off to bitch about her by name in your post. in fact, your whole post was kind of shitty. sounds like you are pissing a lot of people off........
variety:
Hey, bad moods come and go, you've put up with at least one of mine. besides, I'm twisted enough that I was almost laughing when you yelled at me. I dunno why, I just found it incredibly humorous that you misconstrued my joking as seriously getting upset with you. So when you yelled at me, I just had to stiffle my laughter. So there.