I have a confession…..
My depression is not as beaten as I though. It took last night for me to realize that I have been suffering again for I’m not sure how long. I didn’t recognize it for what it was because it was acting different than it did years ago. I wasn’t sitting alone in my room with my gun next to me. I’m not having to fake every single smile, but right now unless the smile is caused by my daughter I can’t tell if it is real or fake.
An even as I sit here right now, I am arguing with myself trying to claim the suicidal part isn’t back, but why else would it pop in my head a dozen times a day. I’m not sitting here out right contemplating it the way I used to…but it is on my mind when things go wrong, and most the time I lie to myself and brush it aside, but that isn’t helping anything.